Dispatches from #batcountry: Soldado, Martinez aren't coming to Spurs... unless they do

Hello my children! The Dispatches from #batcountry train chugs merrily along the track, gaining steam as we prepare to head full-tilt right off the cliff and into insanity. Join me on this epic lemming-like journey. I promise it won't hurt!

So, two separate reports have thrown cold water on the prospects of two strikers linked to a move to Tottenham Hotspur this summer. Sky Sports is reporting that Valencia striker Roberto Soldado does not want to leave Valencia, despite not qualifying for the Champions League. In a similar vein, Goal.com (LOL) has a similar report about Porto striker Jackson Martinez and his family being "happy" in Portugal.

OH NOES! Tragedy! Spurs will never sign a striker wah wah waaaaaaah! Except, you know, here's the thing: this kind of thing matters about as much as a player expressing "fondness" for a particular club or country. In short, it's not an indicator at all as to whether or not he'll be sold.

In Soldado's case, Valencia is now officially hurting financially after failing to secure Champions League and the sweet, sweet money that comes with it. Consequently, they'll likely need to hold a fire-sale for many of their prized assets this summer in order to make ends meet. Soldado may be heading out of the club whether he wants to or not.

With Martinez, it's a little different. Porto have just sold two of their best players in James Rodriguez and Joao Moutinho for crazy money. They may not want to sell Martinez to Spurs at all. But players change their minds all the time. If a good offer comes in for Martinez from Tottenham, and considering the track record Porto has in buying and developing young players, it's not impossible that Martinez might move as well. Heck, they may change their minds several times over the course of the summer. This, of course, goes both ways. Gareth Bale is happy at Tottenham, but that doesn't mean that he won't be sold either. And look at the Leandro Damiao and Luka Modric sagas – on again, off again, on again.

So while this may seem discouraging, it's really just more #batcountry. Because as Lloyd Christmas once said, "So you're telling me there's a chance!"