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Monday morning Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for July 1, 2013

Daily Tottenham Hotspur links, today on dirt bikes, bicycle kicks, faux teenage romance and Wayne Rooney.

Mark Thompson

Happy Monday Spursland! Welcome to the show that never fails to build you up before it lets you down. Now some may have noticed that I, bright ray of joy and infinite sunshine that I am, have been a bit of a downer this summer. NO MORE! How could I be upset about the team supposedly not acting on their actionable (WOO HOO business jargon) items for the summer. Paulinho, £17 million expenditure. The two Croatian children (one of which looks not just a little bit like another tiny ball of Croatian talent), another £17 million. £34 million already invested. That isn't chump change people and you just know a striker is coming in, be it Villa or someone else. This has really bin a much bigger summer than it's felt like. What I am trying to say is that we are going places, people, big time places, like Benihana.

And now the "news"

AVB Wants To Quit In The Next 10 Years To Race Dirt Bikes In The Desert, Or Something-Sky Sports

So without ever playing high level football, and really through chance connections as a young man he has stumbled into a career many people dream of, but could never achieve without first being a professional. And he is good at it, really good, but you guys it just isn't his dream. His dream is to race faulty machines through a blistering hellscape. Or wherever this race is, you may have noticed I am not Johnny Research.

AVB Called Villa-Fantix

OMG you guys, DRAMA! I can't believe he called, Villa probably knows that Andre like "likes him" likes him.

Bicycle kick off his back? Bicycle kick off his back-SB Nation Soccer

I'm writing this on my girlfriend's laptop and she doesn't have a plug in or something so this could actually be a video of Bryan A. and his cat doing all manner of sinful things. I almost hope that's the case and we can finally get a conviction and get this monster off the street.

Bocanegra Leaves Rangers-Stars And Stripes FC

Normally I would say a player almost being forced back to MLS is a big step down, but he was playing in Scotland and then the Segunda, so, you know, welcome to the show kid.

Brazil Wins 3rd Straight Confederations Cup-SB Nation Soccer

Congratulations guys, you won the NIT of international football.

Arsenal To bid On Rooney, Or Something-The Short Fuse

Judging from that picture Rooney that tens of thousands of pounds spent on his hair was really money well spent.