Greetings from the Cartilage Free Captain helicopter, boys and girls. (Yes, we have a helicopter. It was a line item slipped discreetly into the requisition of more Fat Tire and Shock-Top for the CFC break room refrigerator. Thanks, Graham!) I'm flying over the wilds of #batcountry right now, staring through my binoculars to in order to bring you the latest ridiculous transfer rumor and why you shouldn't believe everything you read, especially during the EPL off-season.
Sky Sports is reporting that Danish playmaker Christian Eriksen is totally available, y'all. He likes diagonal through-balls, long hugs, and romantic walks in the rain. And not only that, but Tottenham and Liverpool are totally into him to the tune of £15m.
This is #batcountry on a number of levels. But let's just focus on one for now.
See, here's the thing. Transfer rumors have to start somewhere. One might think they emerge whole from the wilds of #batcountry much like Athena sprung fully formed from the forehead of Zeus, but someone has to call them into being at some point. They may organically grow, but they have a genesis. And the genesis of this is right here in this article! Because there are quotes here! True quotes of real people saying actual things! And what does Eriksen's representative actually say in this article? "We are still keeping in touch with certain clubs."
BOOM. "Certain clubs." That's agent code for Tottenham and Liverpool, you know. Sky Sports says so! #ITK! And that bit about him possibly extending his contract at Ajax if they don't get a big enough deal for him? Well, just ignore that part. Tottenham and Liverpool, people!
Yes, of course it's within the realm of possibility that Tottenham, despite just dropping £17m on an entirely different central midfielder, would be interested in Christian Eriksen. He's a gifted creative playmaker, and he'd be a strong addition to the side. But then there's that "certain clubs" phrase. Could mean Tottenham Hotspur. Could mean Liverpool. Could mean Milan. Could mean Dortmund. Could mean Southampton. The possibilities are endless.
Sky doesn't have a clue either, so they just drew the two most obvious clubs out of a hat, the two that have been linked to everyone under the sun since the end of last season. And this is the interesting part: since this Sky article has been posted to NewsNow, it's been rehashed and reported by Soccersweep, WhatCulture!, IBTimes, FootballFanCast, London 24, and Football-Talk at the time of this article posting. I'm not linking to the reports, because #batcountry doesn't need my help to survive.
It's a fascinating case study into how football transfer rumors adapt and spread during the silly season, and it's rare to get a glimpse of an nascent rumor in the wild, but there you are. It's out there, and it's a thing: Christian Eriksen is totally signing for Tottenham Hotspur. Any by "totally" I mean "we're probably not interested in him at all since we just signed Paulinho and we still need a striker pretty badly."