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Wednesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links July 3, 2013

In today's Tottenham Hotspur daily links, Gareth Bale likes playing Champions League Football, a Paulinho quiz, and Carlos Bocanegra is not a smart man.

Laurence Griffiths

Happy Wednesday, Spursland! Just a friendly reminder, children, that while you are doing your pre-4th of July shopping that please only buy American produced beer, and if distilled beverages are your thing, the official distilled beverage of these United States (the ones I live in, not the ones you may or may not be living in) is bourbon. Also, if you need help on how to make burgers, maybe you aren't from my homeland and want to participate, I've got you covered.

And now the "news"

In A Shocking Turn Of Events Gareth Bale Admits To Enjoying The Champions League-Sky Sports

In times past and in certain areas of the world people with small minds used to group other similar peoples into groups and act like they all thought the same way as if they all got together at a meeting and decided what to think. This was stupid as people are individuals and are their own person. Except this might actually be true of the English football media. they seem to really enjoy all parroting the same view points, Hyping up certain players Despising foreign national team managers , and that Gareth Bale Hates playing where he is and desires to eat pealla with every meal in a land that once enslaved the greater portion of the Americas.

Paulinho Quiz-Guardian

What the hell? He already played in Europe? I know nothing about anything.

Carlos Bocanegra Joins Chivas USA-Stars And Stripes FC

Carlos "Glutton For Punishment" Bocanegra is what they should call him. First Scottish football and now MLS with Chivas? Here is a coupon for free hugs. You can use it anytime you want or, more realistically, need it.

Marvin Chavez Beaks Ankles-SB Nation Soccer

I can hear the tendons straining. This is almost mean spirited. I mean Jordan could probably put the ball through 6 dues legs and then dunk but he didn't, because he was a nice virtuous guy. Oh never mind.

Tourist Catches Horrific 200 Year Old Fish-SB Nation

Oh fuck this, somebody dig up William Seward and see if his fingers were crossed or something during the Russia deal, maybe the guys from CSI can figure something out. Either way we need to give Alaska back to Russia. Maybe Canada will have them, since there really is no reason Alaska is part of us in the first place. take your demon fish and drown it Molson.

The Most Talented And Yet Saddest Drummer In The World

This is like sticking Adele in a poorly lit Karaoke bar.