NOBODY MOVE

Hey.

HEY.

Are you moving?

Seriously: why would would you do that? Why are you moving? If you move you risk screwing the whole thing up! STOP MOVING.

You there. What are you doing? You're not thinking about posting a gif, are you? Oh, is it funny? Is it Neil Patrick Harris? Is it a dancing horse? That's great, but I swear, if you post that gif I will come over there and I will punch a hole IN YOUR LIFE. I TOLD YOU NOT TO MOVE, AND DON'T GIF EITHER.

Seriously. Why would you do that? Why would you tempt fate by moving? It's like that thing Jeff Goldblum said in Jurassic Park about butterflies in Beijing being the reason this dinosaur thirsts for our blood.

No, I'm pretty sure that's what he said. NO, YOU GO LOOK IT UP!

On second thought, don't. Because that's moving. Which is what you're not. Supposed. To do.

Can you believe this guy over here? He's all like, "Look at me! I'm going to sit on this chair because it's more comfortable, even though WHILE I WAS STANDING NEWS OF A POTENTIAL STRIKER SIGNING AT SPURS BROKE ON THE INTERNET." This whole thing, the whole God-forsaken enterprise, hinges on you staying on your feet, not swaying, not fiddling with your buttons, but staying still FOR ONE GODDAMN SECOND.

JUST STAY STILL. IT'S ALMOST HAPPENED, AND YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN IT.

DON'T MOVE.

DON'T.

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