Happy Wednesday, Spursland! Well, not really. We've all known this day was coming since our brave Scotty Parker performed his last 360 degree turn in a Spurs shirt in the season closer against Sunderland, and now with news filtering through that he was involved in a medical at QPR's ground yesterday, it seems to be pretty much upon us: our very own RAF Captain is finally being honorably discharged (or actually maybe court-martialled, depending on where QPR sit in your estimations). I know that Scotty wasn't exactly held in everyone's highest regards by the end of his time with Spurs, but that doesn't really matter because this site isn't really a democracy. Thus, today's Hoddle is officially dedicated to one of the founding members of the Tottenham Hair Club for Men. Thanks for taking it all on the chin, Scotty.
And now the "news"
Gareth Bale still committed to Wales, insists Chris Coleman- Guardian
Oh dear, someone please inform Chris Coleman that you can't transfer between national teams. But break it to him gently, he's still reeling from the news that the Red Sea isn't actually red.
Watch Jordan Archer's awful awful goal kick against England U21s- In Off The Post
Finally, the question of whether he or Lloris will make the #1 shirt their own for the years to come is settled.
Suarez confirms that he will be staying at Liverpool- Here Is The City
"Because of all the affection of the people", he claimed, as he dodged the projectiles and spit lovingly launched his way by the tearfully grateful Merseyside public.
Fulham set for new era- Football Rascal
The Age Where A Mediocre Fulham Team Won Nothing has passed; the dawning of the Age Where A Slightly More Expensive Mediocre Fulham Team Won Nothing is upon us.
Elmohamady hails Bruce factor- Sky Sports
This is because Elmohamady really loves playing in the Championship.
Moratti: Inter takeover ongoing- Forza Italian Football
By which he presumably means they haven't found a dumpster fire large and fierce enough to discard their stake in the club into. Dear Inter fans: only kidding, this is satire or whatever.
Di Matteo to take a year off despite 'many offers'- We Ain't Got No History
Sorry, Tranmere fans. I guess this won't be your year after all.
Scolari: Messi remains the best in the world for now- Goal.com
But has he ever done this? No. Scolari, I refute your claim thus.