Friday Morning Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Friday August 16, 2013

Happy Friday, Spursland! My time understudying for theroosevelts is at an end. I could probably knock off a few short paragraphs about how much I've enjoyed being your faithful news-and-links servant for the week, but I've learned the hard way that the first rule of CFC Writers' Club is #noonereadsthearticles. Thus, instead, I leave you with this. Warning, probably not work-safe if your boss isn't cool.

And now the "news"

Gareth Bale 'has played his last game for Spurs'- Belfast Telegraph

This is pretty horrendous news. If there's an authority to trust on this matter, it's the Belfast Telegraph.

AVB: Bale 'fine but quiet'- Sky Sports

And how is he buttering his toast? And which boot is he putting on first before training? Come on Sky, don't withhold the vital information from us now when we need you.

Paulinho has no fears about the North London Derby- Daily Mail

We'll see if he feels so confident when Higuain finally finishes his 65-day medical tomorrow.

Wenger still trying to sign players- BBC Sport

If it's last-minute deals you're after, Arsene, I know of a cracking car boot sale that takes place behind the back of a Tescos in Welwyn Garden City every Sunday. Probably the best value to be found there out of any informal bring-and-buy fairs in the Hertfordshire area. I'm fairly sure I saw someone trying to sell Nigel Reo-Coker down there last year.

Rodgers: We won't be sabotaged- BT Sport

And then moving on from the conversation of whether Henderson and Enrique would have roles to play over the next season, he got on to the matter of Luis Suarez.

Pardew looking to bring back the feelgood factor- Chronicle Live

I have just the thing for you, Al. What better way to brighten up the dressing room and raise morale instantly than with a photo jigsaw puzzle of a portrait of the Manchester United Financial Director Nick Humby? Also a perfect gift for relatives and acquaintances you don't want to see any more.

Leeds United owner offloads half it's shares- Guardian

A change of heart which I feel can only have been precipitated by a night of sweaty horror in The Space.

Halsey: Take the gag off refs- Telegraph

And by 'gag' he hopefully means 'cards and authority', and by 'refs' he hopefully means just Chris Foy.

Mascherano reveals Benitez contact- Goal.com

The presumption being here of course that Gareth Barry felt he still had something to prove in England.

Aubameyang and Dortmund a perfect match?- SBNation

If you have feelings, prepare for them to take a seismic dropkick directly in the groin.

Look at this goddamned coin.

Seriously, look at it.