Monday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For August 5, 2013

Happy Monday, Spursland! How was everyone's weekend? Let us skip over the Monaco friendly as it was apparently an absolute shamble and I didn't see it anyway because I was entrenched in important business (bachelor party).

Last I checked, Crystal Palace is still 13 days away and last time I checked, the Premier League doesn't play games in tiny tax haven principalities that are nothing more than the last vestiges of a bygone political era of human oppression -- a western caste system. And to think we assume it's only rednecks who are behind the times.

And now the "news"

Bale Is Not For Sale, And Ancelotti Is Not A Cool Dude, According To AVB- The Guardian

Is it just posturing? Probably. Or not. What do I know? The answer is nothing. But we can all agree on one thing: AVB is not down with Ancelotti and we all know what would happen if those to got to scraping. Check the right cross, tons of power and once he throws it he pulls it right back up to block geriatric counter punches.

AVB's Comments Disapoint Bale- Sky Sports

Well, you must be some kind of a manly man. Words from someone's mouth disappointed you. Tisk tisk, however are you to function? Get it together, dude, and stop thinking you are some kind of special little snowflake.

Yes, I know those reports were just posturing, I still am annoyed to shit by these media strategies. These kind of exchanges are dumb even if they serve a purpose, adults should not converse in such ways. Adults have actual problems to tackle and don't have time for this crap.

Dempsey To Seattle Isn't A Bad Idea- SB Nation

Because it isn't.

18-Year-Old X-Gamer Pumps Fist, Crashes, Loses Sure Thing Gold- SB Nation Look It

Don't feel bad. She is only 18 so she has a lot of time left to accomplish a lot and become a star. It isn't like some other 18-year-old women was winning world titles, or even one title on the same weekend ... oh.

DeAndre Yedlin's Locker Was Relocated- SB Nation Soccer

Look, it's hazing! Somebody sue them! Or more accurately shut up.

This isn't hazing, though hazing is bad. This is a time honored tradition of feeling out the new guy and simultaneously giving him the crappier jobs to do in whatever organization you are in until they prove themselves as part of the crew. Whether it be gathering up the cones after practice or writing the daily news and comment for a blog.

Where is the line between this harmless fun and hazing? Lets call it physical violence, and alcohol poisoning, and the ingestion of narcotics and hallucinogens. And being next to Killer Whales, just to cover all the bases.