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Tottenham after any random old midfielder you can think up

Dear god, Tottenham Hotspur are not going to sign Wesley Sneijder or Andrea Pirlo. Stop.

Claudio Villa

If you're not familiar with SportsDirect, they're a company founded by Newcastle United chairman Mike Ashley. Their logo and website address is plastered all over St. James' Park. When they renamed the stadium after the company, fans got really pissed and they eventually changed it back.

Anyway, Ashley and his company were apparently not satisfied with making billions of dollars off selling sweatpants. They've decided to get into the transfer rumor game and have been churning out the rumors through their website SportsDirect News for quite some time. They've overtaken just about everyone as the crappiest source on NewsNow, and I couldn't pass up today's gem. SIGN ALL THE OLD MIDFIELDERS!

Tottenham Hotspur are considering a bid for Wesley Sneijder after appearing to miss out on Andrea Pirlo, it has emerged.

With reports in Italy suggesting that the Juventus midfielder is set to agree a contract extension in Turin, Tottenham and a host of other clubs monitoring his situation are set to be disappointed.

Spurs have also been linked with Inter Milan's Esteban Cambiasso, though SportsDirect News understands that they could also try their luck with an offer for Manchester United and Chelsea target Sneijder.

Here is a (probably quite incomplete) list of players that Sports Direct News has linked Tottenham to over the last two transfer windows.

Jose Maria Callejon
Tom Ince
Loic Remy
Michel Bastos
Younes Belhanda
Dieumerci Mbokani
Son Heung-Min
Anas Sharbini
Leandro Damiao
Wilfried Zaha
Alvaro Negredo
Gary Hooper
Lisandro Lopez
Yann M'Vila
Oh, and Wesley Sneijder last January as well

Also, they said that Tom Huddlestone could go to reading, Andros Townsend would not be going on loan to QPR and the deal to bring Lewis Holtby to Spurs early fell through. Here's a listing of a dozen strikers Spurs could have possibly gone after. It didn't have Roberto Soldado. Awesome track record!

Wesley Sneijder isn't that great anymore and he gets paid approximately eleventy billion dollars to play for Galatasaray. Chelsea and Manchester United probably don't want him and he probably doesn't want to come here. I'm not sure why Premier League-oriented rumor sites spend good chunks of every transfer window fetishising the potential move of Sneijder to England.