Dispatches from #batcountry is a series at Cartilage Free Captain where we take a look at football transfer rumors found on the vast plains of the internet, and then tell you why you shouldn't believe them. Some consider it picking low-hanging fruit. We consider it a public service, and an education in why you should not believe anything you read.
It's been a rather quiet window in #batcountry. It could be that there just aren't that many good transfer stories going around, or it could be that the English media are too busy stretching David Moyes over the rack to bother making up stuff about Tottenham Hotspur signings. But a beautiful rumor emerged over the past couple of days in several papers including the Mirror that indicates Borussia Dortmund striker Marco Reus is a summer target for Arsenal, Manchester United, and yes, Tottenham Hotspur.
This ticks all the right #batcountry boxes: big name player, ironic transfer, no sources, no quotes. The genesis of this rumor seems to be this article, also from the Mirror, which quotes Reus as rejecting a hypothetical move to Bayern Munich because "money isn't everything." All well and good. Bayern is Dortmund's big rival in the Bundesliga, and since Reus came up through Dortmund's youth system and is pretty clearly a fan of the club, his loyalty to Dortmund should appease supporters who are already jittery over Bayern poaching Robert Lewandowski and Mario Gotze. However, it's maybe a little bit of a leap to go from "money isn't everything" to "signing for Tottenham Hotspur."
Marco Reus would be a fantastic signing for Spurs, no doubt – he's outstanding at the #10 role and with his love for cutting inside can realistically play any position in the attacking third, including striker. Reus would be a clear upgrade to Nacer Chadli and Aaron Lennon, and a hypothetical Reus - Eriksen - Lamela attacking midfield combo makes me feel like when we used to climb the ropes in gym class. There's a couple of points against this being an actual thing, though:
1. He's mega mondo expensive. The Mirror states Reus' value at £28m, but his real value is probably much higher, and his value to Dortmund even higher than that. There are probably only a couple of teams in the world that could afford to purchase Reus outright, and he's already ruled one of them (Bayern) out. Combine that with the fact that Spurs already dropped £26.5m on Roberto Soldado last summer and £30m on Erik Lamela and you wonder whether Spurs will want to outlay that much cash in a window again without the sale of one or more players.
2. He probably doesn't want to come. Reus is a world-class player who is with his boyhood club that plays in the Champions League regularly, and doesn't seem too dissatisfied with life at the moment. Until we get to the point where we can get (and stay) in the Champions League and start shoving petro-level dollars at him, I doubt he'll be all that chuffed to move to the OTHER north London club. On the other hand, Dortmund are sagging a bit off the pace from last year and are currently fourth in the Bundesliga. It's conceivable, I guess, that Spurs could make the Champions League and Dortmond doesn't. Even so...
3. It's the Mirror. LOL.
Are we all dreaming? Probably so. But what a nice dream! Too bad this one probably isn't going to happen. Try not to think about an Arsenal midfield with both Özil and Reus, though. No, please don't think about that. ...Crap.
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