Tuesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For January 28, 2014

Happy Monday, Spursland! In light of the recent unfortunate video of a certain young Romanian player falling on his well-lubricated (with booze) ass, I have decided it is high time for a new series in the Hoddle. I give you the first installment of Lillywhite Drinkie-Poo. And now for our first drink in honor of our Romanian Batman, I give you:

The Alcohol Impaler.

Step 1: Muddle a half plum inside a beer glass.

Step 2: Fill 2/3 the way up with Carling Premier.

Step 3: Drop one large shot of homemade Tuica you bought from a man selling it out of his back shed.

Step 4: Chug.

Please drink responsibly and legally and not at all to the levels that Vlad did in that video. That is a state we around the offices call "The Rosenblatt."

And now the "news"

Soldado Wishes Mata Well On Transfer- Here In The City

What a nice polite boy. No wonder that Mary Hatch whispered she would love him forever into his bad ear as he squatted down behind the ice cream counter. Although I may be confusing Roberto Soldado with someone else.

ALL Other Spurs News Today Was Covered Already By Kevin...

Like all of it, so I'll just take this time to remind you that Erik Lamela is kind of good.

Ronaldinho Makes Musical Debut, Sucks- SB Nation Soccer

It certainly isn't as good as this. But that is like comparing Tottenham and Skelmersdale United. I say that as a scientist.

Edu Joins Union On Loan- SB Nation Soccer

This makes a lot of business sense, said nobody who can count.

City Purchase A-League Club Melbourne Heart- Bitter And Blue

Fun act about Australia that is completely unrelated to this: The microwave's grandmother was Australian and when she found out I played rugby in college, every time she saw me from then on out she would sing the South Sydney Rabitoh's song. Oh yeah, and this is a cool thing for Heart and City. Ready-made feeder club in a cool location for your young guns to get competitive games and catch some competitive rays.

Kate Upton Does Thing Without Context At Superbowl Site- SB Nation Look It

Oh you are going to look it, you pervert.

Toronto Mayor Figurehead Rob Ford Wearing A Bronco's Jersey- SB Nation Look It

Oh, you are going to look it too because everyone loves a car crash. NASCAR fans know what I'm talking about.