clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Five reasons to be concerned by Spurs' 5-1 win that are definitely not coincidences

Everyone knows last night's game was awesome. What this article presupposes is, maybe it wasn't?

Did you ever wonder why his mouth is always open? It's like the bus from Speed. If he closes it we'll all die.
Did you ever wonder why his mouth is always open? It's like the bus from Speed. If he closes it we'll all die.
Clive Rose

Oh you think winning 5-1 means we can just forget about all the horrors that lurked beneath the surface? Well get ready for a wake up call. Go watch Erik Lamela's ridiculous rabona goal one last time before you strap in, because it's about to get real in here.

1. Harry Kane just keeps on scoring. But what Daniel Levy won't tell you is that Harry Kane can't actually score without a strike partner. Check the facts. Almost all of his goals have come playing alongside Adebayor or Soldado up top. And guess what? Mauricio Pochettino usually doesn't use two strikers. So much for the Harry Kane future.

2. Speaking of Harry Kane's future, when are we  going to sell Hugo Lloris to Madrid so we can stop blocking his development? Did anybody else see how unprepared he looked in goal? And I know we all saw that his gloves didn't actually fit his hands. Not only is the club DELIBERATELY stifling his progress, their ACTIVELY SABOTAGING his performances!

3. You may also remember thinking last night that Erik Lamela was stupid good. But did you notice anything strange about the game? That's right. Christian Eriksen was nowhere to be found. Why?? Because Eriksen and Lamela can't actually play together. That's right, Eriksen and Lamela are Spurs very own Gerrard/Lampard, two guys who no matter how hard England tried, just could not play together in the same team. Stop trying to make it happen, Mauricio! Look at teh facts! Lamela, Lampard, hello? Anyone from Denmark will tell you Eriksen is basically Danish for Gerrard. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

4. If you think I'm calling for Eriksen to be dropped your DEAD WRONG. Christian Eriksen is a Totspur legend and Lamela is an obvious egomaniac. Nobody who cares about the team or trhe club or the fans or the history would ever do something as selfish and egotistical as try that shot. That's a needless a risk that could hurt our team!! What are you doing trying to volley in that rebound? Adebayor was wide open for the cross! SELFISH!!!

5. Remember Ryan Mason? The guy the illuminati has been telling you is the next big thing? Well don't buy the hype. Yesterday we scored 5 goals, more than all three games Ryan Mason has played in COMBINED. If he's the second coming of Tom Carroll, how can you explain that? Meanwhile where even is Tom Carroll? Nobody had even HEARD of Ryan Mason until like a week ago and now nobody even knows where Tom Carroll is.