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Wednesday Hoddle of Coffee: the Lost Pre-Thanksgiving Hoddle Edition

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It's a long, long story.

Ian Walton/Getty Images

Editor's note: Something very strange went on last night with the regularly scheduled Hoddle of Coffee. By the time morning came around, the original text had been pulled into a time vortex and sent spiraling into the past where it remained, buried under layers of dirt until "rediscovered" in an ancient text editor. I am hereby reproducing for you in all its glory the fabled Lost Pre-Thanksgiving Hoddle of Salmon Chase. Enjoy.

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Happy Wednesday Spursland! And look at this wonderful day we have ahead of us. Many of you are working, many of the Americans are traveling and I ain't doing a g****n thing except getting snowed in, and getting right torn down drunk on bourbon while I make gravy. Yes, the big boss man Dustin Gerber Martin did tell me not to make today all about gravy. But you see, he is just the blog coach, not the blog manager, so he really doesn't have the power or the influence to run things around here, ya dig?

And now the "news"

Scotland Yard Calls Archway Fire Suspicious- BBC

Related: Dan Levy seen ducking into Joe Lewis owned Fiery Accelerant Emporium, just after closing time the night before.

Hull To Try To Land Lennon In January- Mirror

Is it okay to sell him? I have no idea who we value anymore. A month ago everyone was ready to treat Ryan Mason like kobe beef cattle, giving him massages all the time and stuff. Now people are talking about him being our biggest liability.  I DON'T KNOW WHO IS IMPORTANT TO THIS TEAM BESIDES ERIKSEN AND KANE. SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO FEEL, DAMN IT!!!!

Messi Both Mortal And Man- SB Nation Soccer

I may not know who the good players on the team I write about are, but I know that is an awkwardly worded title.

Totti Is Old, Still Killing It- SB Nation Soccer

He is the Helen Mirren of football.

Babies Are Terrible At Watching Late Night Sports- SB Nation

The future of America is looking bleak. STEP YOUR GAME UP, BABIES!