In the USA, the day after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday, and officially kicks off the Christmas shopping season. Commercial retailers all over the country drastically mark down products trying to entice people to buy products that they don't really need or necessarily want, just because they're cheap. Massive crowds line up in the early morning hours at stores, trying to be the first people to get that hot new toy at a low, low price.
In a CARTILAGE FREE CAPTAIN EXCLUSIVE, we managed to get ahold of what appears to be Daniel Levy's shopping list. Let's see what our dear chairman has on his list, shall we?
A striker (€16m, CHEAP) – We know Levy loves a good bargain, and it appears he may have found one. (Price includes round-trip flight from London to Sao Paolo)
Managing Football by Simon Chadwick ($49.95, Amazon.com) – Think of it as a How-To guide on how to get the most out of your football club. With this, Levy may aspire to the dizzying heights of David Gold and David Sullivan, or maybe even Venky's!
1991 Cup Final home jersey (£38, tottenhamhotspur.com) -- I'm assuming this is all a cynical ploy to show fans that he remembers the glory days of Tottenham Hotspur before ENIC bought the club and ruined everything that's beautiful about the club FFS LEVY.
Jersey Shore "Pauly D" wig ($13.50, Amazon.com) – Bald is beautiful, but in Messr. Chairman's case it gives off a Nosferatu vibe. Recapture youth and appeal to the bourgeoning young American demographic with this stylish toupee.
Steel manufacturing stock – This part of the list has been somewhat scorched for some reason. I can just make out the words "local," the letters "rchw," and underlined five times, "BUY LOW."
JBP Equine 100x1 ($180 PLUS FREE SHIPPING! BARGAIN! Amazon.com) – To keep in a back pocket for emergency injuries. I think the description says it all: "Horse placenta supplement only as for the domestic (Hokkaido) thoroughbred of the major ethical drug maker regular article." Yep.
Belgium (£287 billion) – Who needs a new stadium when you can own your own small European country? Belgium's so hot right now. And besides, on Black Friday Levy can get it for at least half off!
Two "VIP Gold" tickets, 2015 Champions League Final, Olympiastadion Berlin (£3,762.39/ea.) – I bet you can find them cheaper on StubHub. Just sayin'.
Football Manager 15 (with handwritten note reading "DL FMScout too") (£29.99, Steam) – I think we just deciphered Paul Mitchell's mysterious new "black box."
Willian / Eden Hazard / [various scribbles] – I guess it ultimately doesn't matter what's on Levy's list since Chelsea will just buy the last one of everything before he can.
What else do you think should've made Daniel Levy's list? Add your contributions in the comments!