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Monday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For February 24, 2014

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Wood shop equipment and genitals.

Jamie McDonald

Go tie some bricks around your feet and jump in a lake, Spursland!

Ask me my opinion of someone who was involved in yesterday's match. Go ahead, do it. DO IT! It doesn't matter which one my answer will be the same for ever single one of them.

And now the "news"

Sherwood Blames Slow Start- Sky Sports

Also a lack of being good. Anyway, Dembele as a winger and Eriksen on the bench ... I hope your next job is managing the North Korean team because when you screw up there you might just get what you deserve.

Louis Van Gaal Open To Tottenham Job After World Cup- Guardian

Not getting Eriksen any time on the field at all and starting out with four center mids and one winger is a decision that left me bewildered enough that if I shit in my hands and started drawing designs with it on my belly I would have not been surprised.

Scunthorpe Keeper Has So Little To Do During Game He Takes A Picture With Fans In The Run Of Play- SB Nation Soccer

Maybe fix your hair before the picture, pal.

Bale Scores A Screamer- SB Nation Soccer

If you need me, I will be slowly tightening the vice I have placed my genitals inside of. I am a Spurs supporter, after all. I must love pain. It's a rule. Maybe I'll give the microwave a call and really do a job of it.

The Rise And Rise Of Eden Hazard- We Ain't Got No History

Looks down at the vice... twists it round another time.

For The Most Condescending, Uninformed, Factually Wrong, Troll Worthy Attempt To Skip Bayless It Up In The Hunt For Page Views Click Here

Kevin let me sneak one 1,000-plus word MMA rant in here year ago. I doubt it will happen twice so, you know, just know I hate the above.

The Independence Bowl Is Now The Duck Commander Independence Bowl- SB Nation

Bowl games that are not a specific championship for something (conference, inter-conference or national title) need to die. Nobody wants to see the fourth best team in the ACC and the fifth best in the Big Ten (which has 12 teams in it) play for a meaningless trophy. Add to it the fact that this uber popular, dumb as shit (it's a dumb show in terms of how it is presented and its content not based on political leanings) semi-scripted reality family and you have a big pile of this is why the rest of the world looks at Americans like uncultured buffoons. (Ed. note: theroosevelts only says this because he doesn't gamble. I will gamble on the Duck Commander Independence Bowl next year AND LOVE IT.)