clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Cartilage Free Poetry Slam 13: Tim in a Bottle

Who here remembers Jim Croce? ... Anyone? Anyone at all? ... Bueller?

Jim Croce was a genius. One of the stand-out singer-songwriters musicians of the 1970s, he was extremely popular on radio with several big hits. Croce was a working class Italian-American and his love of truck-stops, dive bars and "ordinary people" shone through in his music, to the extent that hehad several hits that all of you rap-listening young'uns still probably have heard of:  Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown; You Don't Mess Around With Jim; and, the 1973 #1 hit Time in a Bottle.  And oh, that awesome mustache!

Not that any of you young whippersnappers remember this guy. This is your dad's music. Man, I'm old.

If Jim Croce were alive today, he'd be a Spurs fan. Well, with his blue collar roots he'd probably be a West Ham fan, but whatever, I choose to believe he'd be a Spur. And I believe that he'd have written this (though probably much better than I did here).

Tim in a Bottle

(with apologies to Jim Croce)

If I could put Tim in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to pray every day
'Till a manager comes who will say
"I won't play 4-4-2."

If I had a club who hates profit;
If ENIC kept Gareth Bale; true,
I admit it'd be dumb
But at least we'd have beaten the Scum
And won Europa League too.

But there always seems to be too much Tim
Who says some things to the media
'Bout character
He throws the the team under the bus
And makes a play to be the new Football

If I could put Tim in a bottle
It'd keep me from feeling so blue
I'd send him away
Back to Blackburn, or maybe to Cray
Or to Kalamazoo

But we never seem to get to that time
Where our strikers score and the Tottenham
Are decent
I've looked around long enough to know
The links to Tott'nham's glorious past
Are still recent

If I could put Tim in a bottle...