Writers Prediction League: Chelsea vs. Tottenham Hotspur

Greetings, fellow Spursians! So Brian Mechanick's Macbook gave up the ghost today and is currently winging its way to Cupertino for some long-overdue R-and-R. †  Ever the gracious staff member, I offered to step in and write today's Prediction League post, because that's what friends are for, right? I mean, I have the time this evening and it's not like I'm heading out to a BAR on a FRIDAY NIGHT to DRINK until 3 AM OR ANYTHING, RIGHT? Okay, so I KNOW I have kids and and don't have a social life to speak of, so I guess I can just DROP EVERYTHING and do this, right? JEEZ!!

Oh, by the way, I win the league.

So, Chelsea. Yeah, Spurs have to go to the Bridge and somehow get a result in a place where they've never won before in the Premier League era in order to keep pace with Liverpool and Arsenal.  Nothing daunting about that, right? It'll be Jose Mourinho and about a million attacking midfielders versus a Spurs back line that will probably feature Michael Dawson and Kyle Naughton again. Meep.

As for the Prediction League, Mechanick nailed the 1-0 win over Cardiff, but that doesn't matter because I'M RUNNING THINGS NOW MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The rules remain the same in the Prediction League--one point for a correct prediction and a bonus point for getting the score correct. Here are the current standings:

This week's predictions:

Ed: 1-1 draw, because I like to be difficult.

Uncle Menno: We've never won at Stamford Bridge. Don't expect that to change. 3-1 Chelsea.

Kevin: We're not good. Sorry. 3-0 Chelsea.

Mechanick: Ade gets his, Hazard gets his. As you were. 1-1 Draw.

Ryan: Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George. 2-1 Chelsea.

Bryan A.: Chelsea are just better. 3-0 Chelsea.

The Roosevelts: I'm at a show right now with 20 paying customers, the biggest crowd I've ever seen here midweek. The first act was just on BET, the second act was mentally challenged but apparently nobody told him, the third act is currently admitting he is high on crack on stage. And this is the life I have made for myself!  2-1 Spurs.

Lennon's Eyebrow: 3-1 Chelsea. I think this might be the first time I've predicted a loss all season, despite this season. [Editor's note: This is true. I checked. He also didn't predict a single draw, either.]

Petrilli: 2-1 Chelsea. I feel dirty saying that.

Michael Caley: Over the last two months, Spurs have played uninspiring football according to the underlying numbers (and according to my observation). Chelsea have been one of the most consistently strong clubs in England and deserve their place at the top of the table. What this means, statistically, is that we're "due". Being "due" is a powerful concept in probability theory. It explains why intelligent gamblers sometimes leave a table that's hot, because they recognize it's due to turn cold. It explains why, if you flip a coin ten times and get heads ten times in a row, it's very likely that the next flip will be tails. 2-1 Spurs.

The Sleeper's Sleep: Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God. 2-2 tie.

Skipjack: 4-2 Chelsea but Sherwood proposes to Ed at halftime so its not a total wash.

† "Mechanick's Macbook gave up the ghost" is actually a euphemism for "Mechanick is completely blotto and face-down somewhere in Grant Park."