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Chelsea vs. Tottenham Hotspur: Final score 4-0, everything was bad

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Oh whatever.

Clive Rose

Tottenham Hotspur have lost 4-0 to Chelsea. Depending on your perspective, it was either like watching your favorite comedy film or getting stabbed in the throat.

Hugo Lloris should have been sent off 30 seconds into the game, which made everything else that happened from then on hilarious to me. His hackjob on Samuel Eto'o was without consequence because the Chelsea striker was flagged for offside, but he wasn't even close to actually being offside. Because the game should have been effectively over inside the first minute, I found it difficult to get angry about things that didn't go Spurs' way for the rest of the game.

However, I did spend the first half getting pretty angry about the team selection, which I couldn't have come up with after dropping acid. Kyle Walker was operating in the Gareth Bale Memorial Free Role™ while Emmanuel Adebayor played right wing and Aaron Lennon played center forward. Oh, and Michael Dawson flailed at things while Jan Vertonghen played left back.

Eventually I stopped being mad at this, which was cool because almost fell out of my chair onto the floor when Vertonghen fell on his face, then tried to recover and played a perfect through ball to Eto'o for the opening goal. Then Younes Kaboul got sent off for a slight nudge on Eto'o, which also resulted in a penalty converted by Eden Hazard. And just like that, game over.

Oh, it got worse from there. Dawson got injured and came off in the 72nd minute. As much crap as we give him, no one wants him to get hurt, which always sucks. Then Demba Ba came on and we acted stupid some more and he scored twice. It got embarrassing quick.

Inevitably, we will beat Arsenal next week to give everyone false hope.