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Happy Tuesday, Spursland! So yesterday I got Seattle and Portland confused and that made people very mad at me. Not as mad as when I crapped on Tim Tebow (death threats), but pretty mad. My mistake, but in my defense (he said, doubling down on his first mistake) while the two cities may be in two different states, to the rest of us you are both exactly the same -- just one big Portlandia episode. It probably explains why you hate each other so much. So I'm sorry, but only a little bit. Now go eat your shitty dungeness crab while wearing tight jeans rolled up your ankle like it's still the 50s.
And now the "news"
LVG Wants The United Job, According To The Sun- 101 Great Goals
Notice I didn't link to the Sun. That's because I did some exploring of their man news page -- I am an America after all -- and I waned to explore another culture, see what was up. And holy hell is the Sun a giant pile of trash. One of its headlines featured the words "abortion" AND "boob job" in the same sentence.
Tottenham To Approach Moyes- Tottenham Live
No they aren't and you're an asshole.
Rapids Call Out Quakes For Rough Play- SB Nation Soccer
I like people who call things what they are. And an elbow to the face is (probably?) not legal.
Burnley Earned Promotion- SB Nation Soccer
Jesus, could a name scream non-descript boring town more than Burnley? What are their major industries, ash production and depression?
Hockey Fights With 90's Sitcom Audience Reactions- SB Nation
Was this shot in the computer lab of a reasonably well-funded high school? Is this what the vaunted SB Nation headquarters offices look like? Is SB Nation run out of the cool but not popular but they still get good grades table in a high school cafeteria? Does this jackass know how to write without asking rhetorical questions, good lord it's every day with this crap.