Wednesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For April 30, 2014

Happy Wednesday, Spursland! Gentlemen, gentleladies, doe-eyed teenagers, we are one community, but we come from so many parts of the globe: England, America, 3-6 apartments in Australia depending on the day. And this is what is so great about us. We are the definition of diverse, we have a commentariat member who literally goes by Blasian. We discuss the many differences between our home nations and fiercely defend our regional culture. But since we are so diverse, the places we call home are very different from one another.

Now rather famously Americans don't know anything about places that are not America. I feel embarrassed by that, but, seriously, nobody else here does. It has been immortalized in several maps so when I saw this map of the U.S. according to the beliefs of British people, I couldn't wait to see how dumb you guys are. To my chagrin, it's incredibly accurate. Like it's astounding in its accuracy. You guys and your functioning educational system.

And now the "news"

Townsend Might Miss World Cup- BBC

Is he playing enough to realistically think about the World Cup?

Defoe Back From Injury Looking Towards World Cup- Toronto Star

Is England thin enough at striker to debase themselves to the point of selecting an MLS player for the World Cup?

Lisbon Awaits- Managing Madrid

This beating was so bad it made my girlfriend feel sorry for the Germans. THE GERMANS!

Madrid 4, Bayern 0: Instant Analysis- Bavarian Football Works

Nobody from Bayern was available post match as everyone was at the hospital getting the gashes from when Ramos and Ronaldo slashed through them sewn up.

Sergio Ramos Scores From Behind The Goal- SB Nation Soccer

THIS is the football equivalent to that behind the backboard and off the the right shot your dad has down so good you can never beat him at H-O-R-S-E.  YOU JUST KNOW EVERYTIME YOU WON IT WAS JUST BECAUSE HE DIDN"T JUST HIT THAT SHOT EVER SINGLE TIME!

How The NBA Can For Sterling To Sell The Clippers- SB Nation

Being previously unacquainted with the NBA constitution, I was unaware of any previous legal route to forcing an owner to sell and was a bit dubious that this could actually happen. Now, hopefully, as we put this old bag of crap out to pasture and move on as a nation to the real story, seriously where is that god damn plane!?

But before we do that, let me make one point: She (little miss tape recorder) is arguably just as big a piece of shit as him (the old man with "purity issues") and she is going to be sued for every nickel she has by this guy. What she did, from a legal standpoint, is incredibly illegal. Under a specific California law, you cannot record a person unless they are aware of it. Her doing this basically violated the basic legal privacy all Americans are entitled to, though the specifics differ slightly from state to state. Basically if you have a "reasonable expectation of privacy" then you have a right to it. And she didn't do this with altruism in her heart, she did this to get back at this guy. If you listen to the audio -- and I have listened to all of it so you don't have to (it's cringe inducing so don't do that) -- she baits him like a matador with a extremely injured bull (graphic) to the point where you can almost hear her inner monologue on the tape going "JUST SAY THE N WORD, YOU OLD SHIT." She isn't a victim, she is just another terrible person in this story about terrible people, and I thought her Boba Fet visor trick from the other day was a little pretentious.

Now, as for him being banned from all games, I really hope he just buys a ticket and tries to sneak into a Lakers game like next October. I just want to see what happens