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Tottenham Hotspur Manager Shortlist: Andre Villas Boas

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Did you think we were going to start this series with a serious post? Of course not.

Laurence Griffiths

Thanks to the wonderful @PFTCommenter for the inspiration.

The Spurs have will fired Tim Sherwood and are now looking for a replacement but honestly their looking for someone to take them to profit not glory. In this article i will give you the real truth that the writers of Cartilage Free Captain are afraid too give you in their in-depth looks at various managers who might be candidates for the Hotspurs coaching position. In this edition, I look back at the only man fit (IN ALL SENSES OF THE WORD) for the job, Andre Villas-Boas.

Andre Villas Boas, Zenit St. Petersburg manager, former manager at Porto, Chelsea, and Tottenham Hostpur (THAT'S US)

Career Record: 129-46-40 (60% and I BELIEVE THAT'S HIGHER THAN DIM TIM'S RECORD LOL)

Accomplishments: Basically Andre Villas-Boas is the next big thing cause he's won so much and he's only 36! He won everything in Portugal. Can you imagine winning their league AND the Taca in the same year? I couldn't but mostly cause I don't know what the Taca is. Is it is a race? I'll bet it is cause Andre loves NASCAR, right? He also won the Europa league but that's a big thumbs down cause who cares about that? I want to know who won the super Bowl not the Arena Football League, right? He helped create Chelsea's Champions League winning team from scratch and HE WON THE MOST POINTS THAT TOTTENHAM HOTSPURS HAVE EVER GOT IN THEIR HISTORY LAST YEAR!? SEROUSLY GUYS WHY DIDN"T WE KEEP HIM!?

Before He Was A Football Manager: He didn't play football. He studied alot. I think he went to Hogwarts or something?

Tactical Analysis: AVB's system is one of the most advanced in Europe WHEN HE HAS THE PLAYERS he needs. His system of letting Moutinho pass the ball and Hulk score has a success rate of 100%. This is an indubitable fact and noone can support it. His taems press a hi line and always play for glory and pride and not profit. Which is probably why he's not here anymore cause Levy is like goldfinger and loves only gold. LOL. Can you imagine how good we would have been if Levy had bought the players AVB wanted like Moutinho, Hulk, Zlatan, Messi. We would have won everything ever including the Taca whatever that is.

This Guy Sucks, Why Is He On the List? Shut up are you that handsome I didn't think so. He is so pretty we should rehire him.

Would he Come to Tottenham? NOT WHILE SCAMIEL LEVY AND ENIC IS STILL HERE. If the fans get together and make it clear that were more about glory than profit then maybe hed come back with the best players in the world and lead us titles while wearing really great suits and hugging me. Ill bet you that Graeth Bale would deffo come back if Andre Villas Boas returned so we should bring him back and save our club from our greedy owners. #ENICOUT #AVBRISES #AVB43V3R

Final Thoughts: Guys he's so pretty and I miss him and I'll bet when he wins the Russian title whihc is a super competitive league we are going to regret losing our Andre even more please bring him back and tkae us to glory without profit.

In case you're outrageously thick, this is a joke.