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Friday Morning Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For May 23, 2014

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Tottenham Hotspur news and notes, with jelly balls.

Steve Bardens

Happy Friday, Spursland! While perusing some of the many websites I frequent on a daily basis, combing through the dregs of the internet to provide you, the valued reade,r with top shelf content each and every day, Is stumbled on something that led me to a disturbing conclusion. It's about to get weird, but go with me on this, Spursland.

Jelly balls, basically the garden variety jellyfish you get, at least here where I am on the east coast of a rapidly declining super power, are everywhere. And now fisherman here are starting to catch them in droves during the off months for shrimp and sell them to Asia where people are apparently too stupid not to eat them. But it is when the guys actually catching them describe them do I realize something -- Spurs are the jelly ball of English football. Listen (or look at, whatever) to these descriptors and tell me this doesn't describe our last season. "Least venomous," "bland at best" and last but not least "tastes a little like the gristle of a chicken bone." Doesn't that just feel right? I mean, I don't think we can argue that much like the jellyfish this team has turned into some sort of shapeless mass floating freely wherever the tide decides to take us toward the end of the season.

And now the "news"

Is Chadli About To Move To Istanbul?- The Hard Tackle

Why wouldn't he want to move? Leaving London for a rapidly destabilizing nation with serious regional tensions from both the north (what up, Mr. Putin) and to the south and west. But hey It's not like you can get a nice kabob in England, right?!  Excuse me, I was just told that you can get kabobs on like every street in England. So really not a lot of reasons for this to be true.

Levy's Waiting Game- ESPN FC

TL;DR Levy is the worst and the writer loves saying that despite the club never being this successful on a consistent basis since like the 60s.

Moyes Arrested In (Wine) Bar Fight- SB Nation Soccer

100 percent chance the 23-year-old deserved it. 100% chance I hope Moyes was just taking this guy's heckling for like the second straight hour and got up smacked the little piss-ant right off his feet then started force feeding him Merlot, AND NOT THE GOOD VINTAGES.

Team Mexico Bans Beef Tacos- SB Nation Soccer

Carnitas all around.

Beach Soccer Anyone?- SB Nation Soccer

I don't know the specific rule to beach soccer, but the defense seems to be less than aggressive. Is it like women's lacrosse where as long as you keep the stick like right in front of your face nobody is allowed to touch you no matter how close to the goal you get? I think it is. Okay, women's lacrosse and beach soccer suck, the Arena Football versions of their sports. Kind like the original but with a heavy varnish of suck.

Everything You Could Possibly Want To Know About The Champion's League Final- SB Nation Soccer

Friend of the Hoddle Brendan Darr was unavailable for comment on this. Weird.

USMNT Names 23 Man World Cup Roster, It Is Lacking Landon- SB Nation Soccer

I remember being 20 and realizing that this day would come and it freaked me out. Well today is that day and even with eight years of forewarning it still feels weird.