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Monday morning Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for May 26, 2014

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A coaching search, Bale and Verts.

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Pablo Blazquez Dominguez

Happy Memorial Day Spursland! And a fine day it is, for those of you not residing within the United states and with our educational system being what it is who could blame you, today is Memorial day for us. A day when we honor our soldiers and servicemen and women and thank them for protecting us and the sacrifices they make so that we can binge watch Orange is the New Black and then watch hardcore porn before bed without having to worry about the Hitites invading. We Americans cook out, BBQ, gather with family and friends and drink insane amounts of beer. Or if you are a little more isolated and/ or antisocial watch Midway and Tora! Tora! Tora! back to back on TCM. It's a pretty great day.

Whichever one you choose, if you served your country, we thank you.

"And now the "news"

Spurs Manager Search Ignoring All Unemployed Coaches-BBC

The author of this fine bit of tripe goes on to list several managers that are out of work that Spurs could look in to. All of them, on the scale of complete shit to "Oh Real Madrid Are Looking To Hire Him", are much closer to the shit side of the graph.

Bale Wins The Champions League, Is Immediatly Shipped To The Developing World In The Name Of Branding-Telegraph

Congratulations Gareth! Now you need 6 injection. How do you feel about curry? Remember don't eat the durian. For god's sake you can see your kid later get on the goddamn plane!" or at least that's how I imagine the scene just after he got his winners medal.

Verts Says He Is Staying-Sky Sports

All right!!!!!!!!! Everyone do the happy dance.

Erik Hurtado, The Enemy Of Ankles-SB Nation Soccer

Ehhhhhhhh, if you are the significant other of those defenders, I need to know, how do you still look at them as a viable sexual option?

Instant Reaction-Managing Madrid

it was a good game, I liked watching it, and while I had like a 600 word Ronaldo rant about personality and the human side of our heroes lets just skip it. I don't want to waste valuable time you could be using to day dream about your boss getting cancer. Treatable, but still very inconvenient cancer. You aren't some kind of a monster.

Luka Cut His Hair-SB Nation Soccer

Nothing I have seen in my life, and I have seen a lot. Like a microwave rapidly moving through the air toward my bare neither regions for example. But nothing has made me ever have an initial reaction of "oh, fuck babies", this did. Don't trying and wrap that outburst into logic. Just go with it.

QPR Are Back In The Big Time-SB Nation Soccer

WELCOME BACK HARRY REDKNAPP. We've missed you and those two ham steaks hanging off your cheekbones. Is anyone's facial features more the opposite of Maleficent's.

The Worst Sunburn At The Indy 500-SB Nation Soccer

Looks like me after an hour outside in just SPF 30. I mean it's not even that bad he doesn't have any blisters yet for crying out loud.

Donovan Is Now All Time MLS Leading Scorer-SB Nation Soccer

And let the bad "did you see that Jurgen?" jokes commence.