Happy Wednesday Spursland! It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming. Football's Coming home! Oh the mighty nation is back again and they aren't to be messed with. Their royal family is so on their game they have the entire public of countries that violently rebelled against them slopping up media coverage of them! That's talent folks, that ain't none of that King John Softsword BS. The only way this could be more of an English thing is if you guys were playing the Scots IN WHICH CASE I SHOULD THINK THAT THE SKELETON OF EDWARD THE LONGSHANKS SHOULD BE DUG UP AND CARRIED OUT ONTO THE FIELD AHEAD OF THE THREE LIONS. OH you guys are monsters and that weak sauce Uruguay team overly reliant on the lanky, tall drink of dulce de leche Cavanni don't know what's coming when the Raheem Sterling train comes chugging in to Kings Cross. Ya heard?
Seriously did I get any of that shit right?
And now the "news"
Spurs Fans To Continue Yid Chant - BBC
As long as this doesn't become the English equivalent to the Redskins, which it shouldn't because it isn't, then I say meh, eh ish... Oh come on, I'm a white man from the most powerful nation on earth, I have no business giving an opinion on any of this. I'll just sit quietly over here and to solace that while my voice shouldn't and doesn't matter in disputes like this, well I can always get a cab at relative easy. Not saying it's right, just saying this argument isn't for me and I should be mad about that.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO and also...NO - Telegraph
Let us replace Dawson with someone who, well if he isn't older he certainly has more miles on him. Just look at that face! He is 33 and he looks like and angry John Spencer. Not the most scientific measurement, or is it?
Spain Eliminated From World Cup-SB Nation Soccer
I'd like to announce the first ever create your own wacky/hack new headlines contest. post them in the comments section. And be sure to do it like a real Sports writer, ad by that I mean with bad bad puns.
The Story Behind The American Outlaw's Amazing Race-SB Nation Soccer
This seems to be way more difficult, and would probably be more entertaining to watch than every episode of the Amazing Race put together.
Rumor: Rooney Moves To The Center, Sterling To The Outside - Three Lions Roar
If there is one place Rooney sucks, it's on the wing. That and in a Vietnamese noodle shop. Say what you will about the man but he knows how to slurp those noodles in a way that defies the average round eye.
Dear World, I Am Personally Sorry Mike Francesa Exists - Deadspin
I shouldn't judge because one day I too will be an out of touch tottering fool. However, MIKE FRANCESA MAKES MILLIONS - HE CAN"T PUT A LITTLE EFFORT INTO KNOWING ABOUT A SPORT HE HAS TO COVER!!!!???????!!!!!! I swear to god, nobody in America needed these questions asked. My grandfather, neither of them have ever touched a ball in their lives and they know most of this shit. And one of them has been dead for a decade.