:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/70721331/489514057.0.1401753389.0.jpg)
Happy Monday, Spursland! Our old friends theroosevelts booked Sunday night off from compiling your favourite news and links article piece of filler at the top of the page where you discuss TV you watched last night to "have a little 'me' time". Having naturally chosen to spend my weekend studying chapters from Leveticus, working on the fourth aria of my new symphony, and writing on the virtues of sobriety and being kind to animals, I'm thus stepping in once again to guide you through the inky spiritual blackness of a Monday morning. Below is your theme of the day.
Yo La Tengo - "Nothing To Hide" (via Matador Records)
And now the "news"
Atleti fans say no to Soldado signing- Marca
Just to put this in context, this is the same club that placed some of its goal burden on the grotesquely-puppeteered remains of David Villa last season.
Tottenham targeting Caulker transfer- Mirror
Cardiff have big debts to sort out and still have to pay off some of Caulker's fee? So we might just be taking him back on a free instead? HAHAHAHABUSINESS.jpg
West Ham sell 'treble' T-shirts after beating Spurs three times in 13/14- Metro
The only treble anyone associated with West Ham enjoyed last season, discounting the ones poured directly into Andy Carroll's mouth by a Bigg Market barmaid during his 'rehab' period.
Everybody looking at Fabregas; nobody rates him enough to bid- Daily Mail
Yo Harry you're a writer is Cesc that type?
England squeak past Peru at Wembley- Independent
IT'S COMING HOME! IT'S COMING HOME! IT'S COMING! THE ENGLAND JET IS COMING BACK HOME EARLY FROM BRAZIL! FULL OF DOWNCAST PARIAHS! IT'S COMING!
'Comedian' attempts to board England plane to Miami- Express
The players were said to have laughed off the notorious figure of fun's attempts to pretend to be an international-standard footballer as Tom Cleverley was ejected from the airport.
USA beats Turkey- SBNation.com
Most notable for Clint Dempsey momentarily forgetting who he is.
Belgium cruise past Sweden- Guardian
Evidently Zlatan has a soft spot for Belgium- I mean why else would he feign what human beings call an 'injury' to avoid having to crush the morale and hopes of their entire XI on his own.