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Tuesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For June 3, 2014

Tottenham Hotspur news and notes, with some good ol' country hate.

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Paul Gilham

Happy Tuesday, Spursland! We are eight days from our planets ultimate coming together, the quickening of humanity. No not the G-20, or a meeting of the UN Security Council. Not even the Olympics or, as they should now be known, dictator kickback fest. As opposed to the traditionally much less corrupt gathering we are about to undertake. But basically this is the event that for better or for worse brings the world together.

So lets instead of doing that time honored tradition of shit talking people from other countries, I figured we, a community as multinational as the Nakatomi Corporation, might come together and list the nationally specific ways we dislike our own countryman. I'll start, lest I be accused of not leading by example. Going by statistics, I live in a nation of uninformed idiots that refuse to believe, when confronted with facts, that they are ignorant of the world around them. That they believes they are inherently better than people from other countries, and who refuse to believe that they need to change the way we do things in order to continue to be a player on the world stage.

Also, over the weekend I was at a bike race in the city -- one of those events with cops everywhere, but as long as your beer isn't in a bottle or can you can get fall down drunk in the streets and the cops won't say anything -- and it was here that a portly young man with the hipsterest of hipster haircuts casually sauntered behind a cops back. A cop working overtime who doesn't want to be here and doesn't want to have to deal with this crap was standing there and the young man muttered "hashtag walking past cops not giving a fuck". Oh the douchechills. My god what level of badass is this that can brag about doing something HE KNOWS HE IS ALLOWED TO DO! And this guy is rapidly becoming THE NORM in America.

What do you dislike about your homeland, gang? And Australians don't say spiders or snakes, give us something juicy.

and now the "news"

Holtby Looking For Spurs Resurgence Under Poch- Telegraph

I hope so because I just got my Holtby jersey in May! I don't want to have it for two months then all of a sudden be that guy with the jersey of the player we got rid of.  That guy sucks. He doesn't suck enough to speak in hashtags.

LVG Was Very Close To Joining Spurs Before Going North- Sky Sports

And the fans shall be divided within their ranks with both sides claiming know-it-all status, and the hatred of Daniel shall overflow from their cups. The book of Spursland chapter 18, verse 22.

Bentaleb Makes Algerian World Cup Squad- Haringey Independent

Good for him. #thankyoutimesherwood

Wesley Sneijder, King Of The Playground, Depantses Teammate- SB Nation Soccer

Looks like someone was playing a game of oops oops where'd your pants go.

The World Cup Is Better Than Your Job- SB Nation Soccer

I'd like to see a companion piece to this post-World Cup to see which of these fine people really regret not looking up what the definition of "at will employment" was before doing this.

America's Greatest Foe Is Still It's Fullbacks- SB Nation Soccer

We, um, had hoped nobody would notice this. So I guess we can blame Ryan Rosenblatt for our losses this time around.

Who Needs The NHL For Big Hits, We Got The WNBA- SB Nation

Cue sports talk radio host making snickering joke about the WNBA not really mattering because it isn't the NBA, MLB, or the NFL.

Seth Rollins Turns On The Shield, Joins Evolution, Roman Reigns' Back Still All Fucked Up- Cageside Seats

To quote our fearless leader Kevin McCauley on this, "That was like the Red Wedding and supporting Milan in the 2005 Champions League Final combined" and I would agree if at the Red Wedding there was also dolphin torture. Fuck Seth Rollins, the man we no longer love. We love to hate him.