Napoli target Christian Eriksen, obviously won't get him

According to the Metro, Italian website TMW is reporting that Tottenham Hotspur midfielder Christian Eriksen is being targeted by Napoli.

Now, first thing's first, we're in #batcountry, so let's all give this the reaction this deserves:

Now that we've done that, let's take another look at what this rumor might actually mean:

• They think Daniel Levy is a man to be trifled with.
• Napoli meant to put in a bid for Sandro but got really drunk and confused and they should do a better job of monitoring who gets to use the fax machine.
• Someone at Napoli is basing their transfer policy on an old edition of Football Manager.
• The Italian government is donating the assets they've seized from Diego Maradona to Napoli, radically altering their transfer policy.
• Napoli are actually big Arsenal fans and they're targeting Christian ... for a drone strike.
• Christian Eriksen once said that he had a secret plan for his career that only he knew. Unfortunately, it turns out that his secret plan is to have hair like Marek Hamšík and he intends to learn from the master.
• Aurelio De Laurentiis emerged from his home wearing a fake lion head and convinced he had unlocked the key to out negotiating Daniel Levy while stroking a replica of Edison Cavani's head and watching Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow on repeat.
• They thought trying to buy Etienne Capoue was such an easy process they figured they'd try again with Tottenham's best player.
• They think we're Southampton.

So in summary, LOL we're not selling our best player to Napoli.