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Friday Morning Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for August 29, 2014

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Jamie McDonald

Good afternoon/morning/whatever it is right now in Australia, commentariat! I'm filling in again for everyone's favourite drunk Salmon Chase (he might have had a legitimate reason today, but quite frankly I couldn't decipher the email), and as ever I'm going to drop in a theme for you all to peruse the Hoddle too today. Normally, my policy is to pick something that's come out at least fairly recently, and, as luck would have it, one of my favourite artists Grimes just put a new track out not too long ago. That song, however, is a trap-inspired nightmare, so I've defied my own rules and instead opted for something off her much much better sophomore album Visions.

... erm, anyway, FOOTBALL!

And now the "news"

Koeman pessimistic over Townsend transfer- Sky Sports

Just a little lesson in how to appropriately employ the word 'no' in relation to transfer of footballers there, Southampton. Which isn't going to come for free, of course. That'll be one Schneiderlin please.

Eriksen: Liverpool will need to be lucky with new signings- Evening Standard

I love the smell of freshly-baked trolling in the morning. Or is it just the smell of unintentional irony? My sense have been a little dulled since Chadli overloaded them all on Sunday.

Harry Kane wants to be Tottenham's number 9- London 24

Until you've developed a painfully mundane goal celebration it's going to remain just a pipe dream, my friend.

Redknapp to sign two-year contract extension- BBC News

Let's hope he doesn't get Hoddle to teach him an experimental way of holding the pen which ends up shredding the contract and burning his office down.

United to sell fringe players to reduce wage bill- Guardian

That means Flat-Top Danny is staying then #welbeckhairjokesforeveroriginal

Using too many strikes is the key to City's success- SBNation

Wasn't that originally Ossie' Dream?