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Tuesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For August 5, 2014

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Tottenham Hotspur news and links, with transition.

Jon Durr-USA TODAY Sports

Happy Tuesday, Spursland! And oh my god now it all makes sense. The team is getting gutted, again. The team will be brand new, again, and we won't know who plays well with who, and the players will probably play like that too. And now I am rhyming! Are you happy now, Poch?

So it looks like we are in our fifth consecutive transition season. For you movie fans, this would be like if Marvel never progressed past screwing up a Hulk movie and instead of moving on to making Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and the Avengers they just kept rebooting the Hulk every two years trying to get it right just again and again and again.

And now the "news"

Charlie Nicholas Predicts The Season, Is Somewhat Crazy- Sky Sports

Theo Walcott as the league's top scorer. Someone likes a little Irish in his coffee, I see.

The Academy Places 4th At Eurofoot Tournament- Tottenhamhotspur.com

You don't know what this means, I don't know what this means and I am refusing to google it. Let us all assume that this is a nice result and that in five years we will with the Champion's League. Does that sound like a plan? Shut up if you don't like it. Why don't you go come up with your own plan.

Unlocking Eden- We Ain't Got No History

This is a really long, probably well-written piece, but having consulted my picture book beginners children's bible, I know that Eden's entrance is blocked by an angel with a flaming sword so to get in I would start with slipping that guy a fat envelope of 100s (pounds not dollars the angel) will want something with some buying power.

Remember Beckham's Famous Underwear Ad, And Separate From That Ronaldo Following His Career Path Only Way Better?- SB Nation Soccer

I think I kind of summed that up in the title, didn't I?

Balotelli Scores From Behind The Goal- SB Nation Soccer

This and math don't belong in the same universe, like Batman and Thanos. Actually I'd pay to see that last one.

Royston Drenthe Is Super Cool- SB Nation Soccer

Or, he is about to become the first already famous serial killer. Just inviting over fans and then they are never heard from again. Okay, maybe that's a stretch, I grant you because nobody who plays for Reading could be considered famous.

Jones vs. Cormier Media Turns Into Brawl, Not A Staged One, A Break The Stage One- MMA Fighting

I just stuck 60 bucks in an old coffee can (because I don't trust banks) so I know I have money allocated to hand to Dana White for this fight. Please, pretty please Daniel, take this junior college half-a-wrestler and just KO him with five point throw after five point throw.