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Friday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For August 8, 2014

Tottenham Hotspur news and notes, cursing the world.

Ian Walton

Happy Friday, Spursland! Is it weird? Did it get weird in here yesterday? And by in here, I mean in this galaxy? We already live in a world where the Rock is the highest paid actor.

But yesterday, all the dumbness went down. Already stupidly named basketball player Metta World Peace announced he is changing his name to "The Panda's Friend."  A Latino version of Jersey Shore to be called Acapulco Shore was announced, which is weird because half the original cast members from Jersey Shore were Latino, not Italian. Maybe this is The Situation's big comeback after his reality show on the TV Guide Channel bombed. And on top of all that, I earned that a special interest group has the power to suppress a student film, Not a commercial property that bent to the will of the crazy people with no hobbies for fear of economic consequences, a HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT FILM had to delay it's release for two years because dummies who wouldn't want to watch it didn't want anyone else to.

This planet is bullshit and I want out. No wonder we love sports so much. Besides the fact that it satisfies our natural human tendencies towards tribalism in a safe modern way, it's a necessary distraction so we don't notice that we are sitting on the dumbest hunk of matter revolving around a giant fire ball.

And now the "news"

Poch Is Happy With The Squad- Sky Sports

Well I should hope so, dude. You've done enough carving of this pumpkin, let's have some continuity. It will be difficult for guys to call for the ball in the box if they can't remember the goddamn name of the guy the need to pass it to them.

Poch Committed To Intsilling Flair Style At Tottenham- Independent

"I said more step overs, you drunken mules! Think Ronaldo if he wanted to make a local team of U-8s cry tears of misery and dejection".

Cavani Considering Liverpool And Arsenal- Liverpool Offside

I don't buy this happening. Neither team will pay him his money and even then, I'm not sure he handles the rough and tumble English game ...  oh, I can't even finish that stupid fucking sentence. England at the top tier just isn't that English anymore. That's not a bad thing, just a new thing, a new state of affairs. And it just isn't as hard a transition from one top league to the next as it used to be. (Ed. note: Also notable, Cavani is a tank)

86-Year-Old Rugby Player Has No Plans To Retire- The Scotsman

Man, sure makes that Gordie Howe look like a wuss, huh?

Celtic's Season Might Already Be Over- SB Nation Soccer

My, what a slap in the face to the SPL.

Lets Look Back At The 1934 Charity Shield- SB Nation Soccer

It was a bright day filled with all the optimism the working man had during the 30s. Everyone put on their best coat made from excess carpeting they found on the side of the road and went into town for the game. The town's folk treated themselves to gruel and water soup before meeting up with the ticket tout and selling whichever kid was misbehaving most that week into slavery in an opium den so they could take the Mrs. to the game. Maybe during halftime you have thoughtful conversation about what Prime Minister McDonald's government's policy towards that upstart politician in Germany will be. Surely he won't amount to much. After all, he is Austrian born and there are rumors he has (gasp) Hebrew blood. Then after the game you break into the back door of the local magistrate's house and steal a bottle of his scotch to drink when you get home so you won't remember you have to go back to the steel mill in the morning. It's basically Good Times.

Donovan Is American Soccer- SB Nation Soccer

Truer words were never said. Goodnight sweet prince.