Spurs have a lot of proud firsts in their history. The first English team in the 20th century to win the double. The first British team to win a European trophy. The first team to own Harry Kane as a senior player. Well today, the club added another proud first to their history when they announced they have become the first club in England to ban selfie sticks from their stadium.
It is a truly great day for Spurs. We started the new year by notching an impressive victory against league leaders Chelsea. And now we are continuing this impressive run of form against all that is evil in world football. Apparently what began as a complaint that the club refused to allow flags in the stadium while they permit selfie sticks has resulted in the team outright eliminating this pox on civilization.
So now if you want to stroke your own ego at White Hart Lane, you'll have to do it the old fashioned way: by turning your phone around and not gripping a stick in public.