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Top of the of the morning to you, lads. The more responsible savvy members of the CFC establishment are busy paying bills and the like so you're stuck with a substitute teacher this morning. I promise as little discretion as possible as to the quality of today's links, and as an added bonus, set the over under for FIFA Ultimate Team references at 1.5. Place your wagers now.
Tottenham line up January move for 'new Eden Hazard' Sofiane Boufal
So just who is Sofiane Boufal? Well, he's 22, Moroccan, and has five-star skills and a four-star weak foot, so that makes him pretty awesome in my estimation.
"Is he the best? I don't know. I will just say he is the first player to score two free kicks against me! So that might answer the question."
How many different iterations of this exact article will we read by campaign's end? If you answered "all of them", you win 10,000 Cartilage Free Credits.
Victor Wanyama keen to move on from failed Tottenham transfer
One of us, one of us, gooba-gobble, gooba-gobble.
Twitter's Next Hail Mary, Project Lightning, Has Arrived
Because Twitter's mobile experience needed to be more like Facebook's "Paper" app evidently?
Finally, your moment of "It's Lit", courtesy of La Masia: