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A Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links December 7, 2015

Manic Mondays, mutilated shins, and making excuses.

Michael Regan/Getty Images

Happy Monday, Spursland!

Especially for me.

You see, I had a rough weekend which resulted in a close call. There was this guy at the bar Saturday night who just wouldn't shut up. All night long he was running his mouth about how tough he was, men aren't men any more, all the fights he had been in, etc. Annoying enough, he wasn't directly bothering me or anyone in the place so we suffered his foolishness. We came to regret this decision.

Buoyed by the lack of interference he encountered from security, he became even more aggressive, and just my luck, I happened to be walking out when he made his move.

He lept at me like a beast, trying to tackle me to the ground. I fought him off until we ran into a car parked by the side of the street, upending me and bruising my shins pretty badly. Luckily, I was able to flip him over the car as well and his nerve left him as soon as he fell to the concrete and realized I wasn't a pushover.

Annoying thing about the whole night, though, was that the cops wouldn't do anything about it. Said it didn't matter that I got upended, and that my shins were banged up. They said he was just trying to wrestle me to the ground so all the things that happened after weren't of consequence. It was all just a "gray area" to them and they couldn't judge intent.

So, end of the day, life goes on, but what a world we live in, huh?

And now for the "news":

Harry Kane says Dele Alli will have his feet on the ground| The Guardian

At the end of this interview Alli kicked a milk dud into Harry's open mouth, winked to the reporter, and somehow picked up a yellow card despite the match being over.

Pochettino wants to build around Hugo|

I do, too. In fact I want to build my life around him. Same wardrobe, same classy behavior, same haircut, same bank statement. The works.

Sofiane Boufal and the skeleton of a transfer rumor| Sport Witness

Want to know why we laugh at lots of these rumors? Because so many of them are made up out of the flimsiest details as this article demonstrates.

Harry to Utd will never stop being a thing so get used to it| Express

Like, it's not even a new story, but people (like me!) still click and link to it. Shameful lot, all of us.

Portland beat Columbus for the MLS Cup| SB Nation Soccer

There seemed to be some...not great goalkeeping.

USWNT cancels game due to a dangerous pitch| SB Nation Lookit

Not really much else to say about this one. Check out the pictures, though.