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Wednesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links March 11, 2015

Jamie McDonald/Getty Images

Happy humpday Spursland! And if you are one of those people who loved the commercial with the camel walking around a cube farm asking people what day it was, well I hate you. And for further information on this subject I hate you if you think trying new and exciting forms of cheese is weird.  if you think that anything other than french toast is the king of the syrup covered breakfast bread pyramid, I also hate you. And most of all, if you are the person who started that Yedlin conspiracy yesterday then I really really hate you.  I thought I had some real stuff to talk about.  Real news to report so I could be a newsman, damn it. Like on Newsroom only I'd be a likable character and this theoretical show would be watchable.

And now the "news"

Spurs Youth Team Contributes To United's Falcao Financial Nightmare-Guardian

If you are in the mood to laugh on this fine Wednesday morning/whenever the hell you are reading this, then I suggest that you think about how many goals this guy has scored this season.  Then i wanted you to look up how much this loan is costing the mighty, mighty Reds.

Are you done laughing yet?

No, seriously, can I move on?

Look shut the hell up, Janice from accounting is looking at you funny.

Kane Would Love England Call Up-Sky Sports

Notice what he did there?  As if to prove my point he said England, not England U-21 call up. He doesn't want to play unless it matters.  And if you think he should play in the U-21 Euro because it does matter, I have news for you.  You are sports equivalent of the guy sitting in his mother's basement hand painting Lord of the Rings figurines.

Luka Modric Got Clowned By A Teenager-SB Nation Soccer

Hey I just wanted to point out that Our dear friend Ryan Rosenblatt wrote a thing over at this hot new place before yesterday's game about how Madrid were kinda screwed without Modric. Love ya Miss ya Ryan.

Antonio Valencia Symbolizes United's Broken Season-SB Nation Soccer

Each little aspect of life has someone who is the best at just talking sense. Wrestling has Jim Cornette. Political reporting has Chris Cilliza, and soccer writing has Andi Thomas. Just read whatever that dude writes.

Every NFL Free Agent Day Thingy Whatever-SB Nation Soccer

Happy throwball transfer window everyone.  See what I did there, people not in America? I used inclusive phrasing so you to would know what's going on. Remember that when you guys inevitably take over America, and be gentle with me.