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Wednesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for April 1, 2015

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This is not an April Fool's Hoddle.

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Happy Annual People Who Aren't Funny Annoy the S**t Out Of You Day, Spursland! Do they have April Fool's day in other countries? I hope not because it is the worst.  The worst.  As bad a Tim Sherwood is at being self aware? No, IT'S WORSE! If you had a great idea for April Fool's Day let me save you some time ant tell you that not only are you not funny, you are probably the worst in your gene pool at pulling pranks.  Save all that energy up and out it into building that swing set you promised your kid you'd have set up by last Thanksgiving. [Ed: you're no fun, Salmon.]

In other news remember yesterday when I said that yesterday was the day that the hype train on Kane would really take off?  Yeah, yesterday was the day a pundit said he was worth 100 million pounds. If you need me I'll be at the flea market doing palm readings. 10 bucks for a reading, 25 for a reading and I'll show you my third nipple.

And now the "news"

The Greatest Cartoon Strip In Sporting History Is About Harry Kane-Guardian

This is genius, hilarious and surprisingly self aware for something in a prominent English paper's sports section.  Legendary satire kiddo.

Townsend Tweets Shade At Former Arsenal Moron-Telegraph

He is a former Arsenal player, not a former moron.  For clarification.

Bale Is Really Good At Half Court Shots-SB Nation

Good at soccer, good at basketball, is he perhaps better at boxing than Rooney?  LOL gang it was a trick question, most adult labradoodles are better boxers than Rooney.

Four Keepie-Uppies And A Volley Goal From 50 yards-SB Nation Soccer

Can we all agree we need a cooler name for keepie-uppies?  It doesn't sound nearly cool enough an comes off as childish in the way that sometimes kids brains aren't developed enough to have truly creative thoughts.  It would be like if when they discovered AIDS doctors were just like "Guys, I think we should just call this cooties".

Jozy Gets Read For Telling Ref "F*** You"-SB Nation Soccer

Well he found a way on to the stat sheet, that's a plus right?