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Thursday Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for May 28, 2015

Spurs are in Asia, the football world burns, thank god these are unrelated topics.

Stanley Chou/Getty Images

Happy day after a friendly, Spursland! I awoke from a mid afternoon nap to a request from the chaser of salmon. Although I was tired and could barely be bothered to answer the text, his promises of an apartment for my future pets in addition to unmarked briefcases full of cash were too much to ignore.

As for the whole FIFA fiasco, part of me hopes that the investigators spent the last four years poring over documents while listening to this song as inspiration. Cuts like this make it rather clear why, no, I don't like Drake.

Now for the "news":

Danny Ings situation gets weird, Levy style--Daily Mail

Shout out to our own puella/@jaffacakes who brilliantly summed up Levy with her tweet about him yesterday. Levy is a b******, but he is our b******.

Erik Lamela makes the Argentina Copa America squad--101 Great Goals

How many bad haircuts can make it into one international squad?

Tottenham are trying to sign Mo Salah now?--Express

No, no they aren't. Shame on you for falling for my, and the Express', shenanigans.

Bill Clinton helped everyone realize FIFA is corrupt--SB Nation Soccer

Say what now?

Sevilla win the Europa League...again--SB Nation Soccer

Winning that trophy seemed like such a burden to them. Not only did they have to play all those games, but they were expected to celebrate the victory by raising an actual trophy, dancing a little, bowing their heads to receive their winners' medals, and now they have to play a bunch of Champions League matches next year.

I don't know how they get out of bed in the morning.