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What fruit would members of the Tottenham Hotspur squad be?

Daniel Levy is a watermelon, apparently, but what fruit are Ryan Mason, Erik Lamela, and Roberto Soldado be?

Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

Tottenham Hotspur conducted a very interesting Question and Answer session on Facebook this morning. Perhaps the best thing to come out of that session was this question about what fruits Daniel Levy and Mauricio Pochettino would be.


This got us thinking, what fruit would some of the other members of Tottenham Hotspur's squad be. So,

Robert Soldado: Lemon. Like a used car, we bought a really expensive new striker. Turns out, he's irreparably broken.

Ryan Mason: Cranberry. Cranberries are in everything: Cran-apple, cran-raisin, cran-raspberry, cran-mango, even cran-tangerine. We get it, Cranberries. You work really hard, but you're making all these other great fruits taste like crap.

Christian Eriksen: Peach. Both probably have really soft fuzzy skin.

Federico Fazio: Huckleberry. He will punch and push dudes.

Erik Lamela: Apple, because la mela is Italian for apple and until he does something more impressive, he's just a g*****n apple.

Jan Vertonghen: Banana. It's shaped like a phallus. Also, everyone knows that bananas have bad body language and really like Barcelona.

Nacer Chadli: Avocado. Everyone loves Avocados, but they're causing drought in California, kind of like how Chadli causes our press to fail.

Eric Dier: Tomato. Stop trying to turn this into a fruit. Sure, maybe it can be considered a fruit because it's been a fruit before, but it's a vegetable now.

Benji Stambouli: Star Fruit. Bizarre and pretty, but mostly overrated.

Harry Kane: Wild Blackberries. Springs up out of nowhere right in your backyard and is absolutely amazing.

Brad Friedel: Fig. Dried figs are wrinkly and kind of a weird pale color.

Etienne Capoue: Durian. Capoue rhymes with how a durian smells.

Younes Kaboul: Cashew fruit. The cashew nut is pretty tasty, but it’s surrounded by a thick wrapper of poisonous flesh.

Vlad Chiriches: Hot dog. Obviously.

So, we had our crack at it, what fruits do you think Tottenham Hotspur players should be?