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Could Tottenham move for this ex-Liverpool midfielder?

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You know nothing, Jonjo

Mark Runnacles/Getty Images

Tottenham's midfield problems are well-known, and with guys like Paulinho, Dembele, Capoue, and Stambouli all possibly heading for the exit door it is equally well-known that Daniel Levy's cadre of transfer specialists will be targeting reinforcements this summer.

In a strange turn of events, rather than solve our midfield problems by signing someone like Morgan Schneiderlin, Mauricio Pochettino and Paul Mitchell have decided it would be hilarious to compound them even further.

Buried in the Guardian's report on Spurs' deal for Kieran Trippier, is this glorious nugget:

The Tottenham Hotspur manager is also interested in Swansea City's Jonjo Shelvey and he wants to add another goalkeeper to his squad.

...

Shelvey is still only 23, even though he seems to have been around for some time, making his debut for Charlton Athletic as a 16-year-old.

With uncertainty over the futures of Paulinho and Etienne Capoue, Pochettino would like to bolster his options in midfield and both he and Paul Mitchell, the head of recruitment, are admirers of Shelvey.

That's right, Spurs apparently want to fix their midfield by signing... Jonjo Shelvey. For those of you who don't know, Jonjo Shelvey is football's Voldemort, an evil wizard capable of magically transforming any 0-0 game into a 2-2 game with a swish of his wand.

Spurs already have their own footballing wizard in Ryan Mason, the Boy Who Lived, playing in our midfield. Like Shelvey, Mason has had a similar magical effect on Spurs matches ever since Pochettino let him out of his room under the White Hart Lane staircase.

The day these two line up in the same Spurs midfield will tear the very fabric of the universe apart. Avada Kedavra.