Happy Friday Spursland! Well we made it through game one of that stupid pretend Euro, and Harry Kane has not died. This is good, further more, Tom Carroll played and he was fine. But seriously I will be on the edge of my seat during this entire tournament, not because I care at all about the score but because every time someone runs kinda near Harry I'll freak out. Just imagine me in my crappy apartment looking emaciated with bloodshot eyes but still looking vaguely doughy going "no don't stop Harry safety blurg"!
But now I have another reason for anxiety over this broke-d**k collection of exhibition games. What if he doesn't score a ton? Will that lower his transfer value? [Editor's note: yes, and then nobody will want him and he's ours forever.]
And now the "news"
Da yoof da yoof da yoof is on fire, we don't need no Schneiderlin let Dele Alli start.
Who? [Editor's note: Gesundheit.]
Alternate headline "Neymar trys to be like Zidane, falls hilariously short".
I doubt they will ever go away but both of them, especially the Olympics, need to be downsized in terms of all the shit they build for it. You don't need a permanent 15,000 seat swimming arena built somewhere in the world every four years. Make everything temporary, it would still be expensive but make it smaller seating it can work fine. As for the World Cup, I have the solution. You need like 11 or 12 stadiums that seat like 60k or more fans right? Well instead of a country with a population of 25 million people building them then never be able to fill them again, what about the US hosting every World Cup and we put the games in the Rose Bowl, Michigan Stadium, and other mega-stadiums known for binge drinking young people.
This has got to be fake for a number of reasons. First the chairs are sliding out from under him but they just stop? I don't know physics, and I refuse to look up how this works but I feel like those chairs should have kept going. Secondly why is this man having an orgasm during this? I get exercise = endorphins but this is too much. And thirdly does this strike anyone as just a more body building focused version of Tim Robin's character from High Fidelity?