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Tuesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links June 2, 2015

Your news and links for Tuesday!

Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

Happy Tuesday Spursland! Gentlemen, ladies, college students, lend me your...eyes.  I have an Idea, a way out of this FIFA nightmare.  Some outside the box thinking perhaps? I don't know, maybe it's dumb (it is).

Look lots of people have come forward with ways to get FIFA fixed and less corrupt.  Seriously, we are just going for less corrupt, not even not corrupt.  Jon Oliver came out Sunday night with a great call for the major brands that Sponsor the World Cup to dump FIFA until Blatter is gone, but that won't change anything.  And even if it would, the brands won't do it.  Think about it: the last World Cup final garnered 3.5 billion viewers.  Compared to the Super Bowl's 150 million (stats via Bill Burr's podcast) think of how valuable that is for advertising!  Those brands can't afford to dump FIFA.  So it's up to us.  All 3.5 billion of us need to stop watching the World Cup.We need to stop planning our summer holidays around traveling to it, stop going out to parties to watch it, we need to ignore it.  It's not even great football anyways, no World Cup winning team could beat Barcelona this year, or most years.  I've heard very smart soccer professional say THIS YEAR'S SPURS TEAM would be the favorites to win the World Cup if you tossed them in.  Think about that! So lets let go of our national pride, be citizens of the world and kill this money juggernaut that feeds FIFA.  If nobody watches then it isn't valuable; if it isn't valuable then there is no money there.  Problem solved.

And now the "news"

EPL Clubs; Top Transfer Targets-Guardian

This is dumb, Danny Ings is not our top target.  Like he just isn't.

Morgan Von Schnieedlvixen (Or However it's Spelled) Opts For Man United-Daily Star

OK Maybe Danny Ings is NOW our top transfer target.

Trainer Vigorously, VIGOROUSLY Rubs Player's Bare But ON Pitch-SB Nation Soccer

Oh he is checking a little oil over there.

Chuck Blazer's Ex-Wife Stole His Parrot, Trained Him To Mock Him-SB Nation Soccer

My dad is recently in the market and she seems like this lady is probably in his age rage, I think I'd like to see if I can make this happen because this seems like a lady who would be a primo step-mom for me.

Suarez Has Not Redeemed Himself-SB Nation Soccer

Well it is rather hard to redeem yourself for crimes beyond simply listing them by just being pretty good at soccer.  And in light that he will again be going up against Patrice Evra again it is of course going to be a hot topic of conversation. If only there was a podcast coming soon to an internet near you where two intrepid talkers discussed in depth "who should be murdered this week, and how should we murder them" because I'd bet Suarez comes up.