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Monday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links June 29, 2015

New week, new Hoddle.

Matej Divizna/Getty Images

Happy Monday Spursland! Mother of God, people! I feel asleep for like three weeks, started just going through the motions and by the time I came up to periscope depth the Women's World Cup is in the semis? THE SEMIS? This is real now, SOME WOULD ARGUE TOO REAL! it's game time people, and one last thing.  Nobody is mentioning this, but we are less than a month away from... preseason. it's on kids. It's on.

And now the "news"

Everyone Is Leaving Tottenham, YES EVEN TOMMY-ESPN FC

Excuse me but I think this train is on a one way trip to nopesville.  Tommy is not leaving. Townsend isn't just going unless it is part of a larger play and Kyle Walker needs to sit his ass down and look pretty because he is going nowhere.

Olivera Linked To Spurs?-Metro

Sure why not, people are saying we are going to see Tom Carroll AND Kyle Walker leave, so apparently there is no law. Say whatever you want.  Here, watch this, I'll join in. I am "hearing things " (wink wink) that Frank Ribery has been seen robbing several banks in order to raise funds to buy out Spurs owner Joe Lewis, then move the team to Vegas. Look at me participating in what appears to be the transfer rumor process like a real pro.

Goodbye Australian, We'll Miss You-SB Nation Soccer

I won't. I bought in hard to the nationalist angle NBC promoted during the Summer Olympics when Ian Thorpe kinda throttled our swimmers and I have been firmly anti-Australian ever since.  Related: I am known to be easily swayed to weird positions.

Messi Never Lets Down Argentina And He Needs Help-SB Nation Soccer

A firm no comment from me on this, I refuse to comment on any countries religion or to besmearch any nation's Messi, nor will I question their Messiah's status as un-foulable. I saw Dogma, it doesn't end well for Bartleby and Loki.

Sprinklers Turn On Mid Game In Kansas City-SB Nation Soccer

So I guess they are into... water sports? I'll see myself out.

This is the place where I publicly apologize to one member of the masthead WHO WILL REMAIN NAMELESS, and their friend Hannah for an insensitive thing I said over the weekend when I was at a wedding and was swept up in the environment of romance and my inhibitions had been [unintelligible] based on what everyone else in the room was accepting from "Aunt Terry". I apologize to you both and I am sorry I made it weird.