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Happy Wednesday, Spurs fans. It's late, I'm tired, and nobody reads this crap, so here's a paragraph of filler text to get you to the happy links that you can blissfully skip over in order to talk about how much Sunday night's True Detective sucked. (SPOILER: it did)
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And now, the "news"
Grant Ward scores a brace in his Rotherham debut - The (Not Daily) Star
Good on Ward. Sure his team lost 3-2 to Alfreton Town FC, a sixth division cub, but he waltzed in and scored two goals like the Tottenham-trained boss that he is. Here's hoping he tears up the Championship, even if Rotherham is a flaming dumpster fire.
Newcastle, Sunderland, and Villa have bid £10m for Townsend - The Daily Star
This means that Levy will only sell him for £20m to an Estonian club we've never heard of.
Jozy Altidore dropped from USMNT Gold Cup Squad - Stars and Stripes FC
He was bad. Bad, bad, bad. I don't want to dump on Jozy because he's completely lost the plot with the USMNT and it must suck, but did you WATCH that Haiti match? This was deserved.
Footedness and why Erik Lamela is worth £30m - Statsbomb
Suck it, haters.