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Friday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links July 17, 2015

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Which seat shall I take?

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Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Happy Friday Spursland! Lasie! Go get help. Whatever the equivalent of that would be to get a message to the clubs big wigs well that needs to be done right pooping (sorry I am trying to swear less) now. [Editor's note: I have no idea. Maybe it's in code?] Is it impressive that Levy just got someone to pay more for Kaboul than United got for Van Persie? Yes it is, incredibly so. But while that is true we can't deny the truth that we are the only team to not make a MAJOR, not a nice sized, not a "ooooh that's nice", but a HUGE splash in the transfer arms race.  Sterling, Benteke, Benzema are all names that teams ahead of or right around us are bringing in or at least making moves to do so.

Meanwhile we are, yes, doing the long overdue process of shipping out some of our hang-around guys, but we will need a striker and most importantly a dominant central midfielder.  And guess what, it is going to cost money. Like a lot. And guess what, in order for us to just hold our place as the perennial guys on the doorstep of the big time, we need to do things to make that happen.

And now the "news"

Townsend Mulling Transfer Options-ESPN FC

God, this guy has been doing more mulling this summer than the guy that played Colonel Mustard in the movie version of Clue.

Boy, is that a badly structured joke.  But you get it right? Mull? Because Colonel is played by Martin Mull? [Editor's note: I got it. Clue rocks.]

OK I'm sorry, can we move on?

Embarrassing Old Quote About Kaboul Moving To Sunderland-Telegraph

I bet this person feels really good about filing this story.  This must have been what they dreamed about during journalism school, getting out there getting the hot scoop and making definable change in the world.

Arsenal Could Offer 56 Million Euros For Benzema-Managing Nadrid

See what I'm talking about here, people?

Liverpool Trigger Benteke Release Clause-Liverpool Offside

No really, do you see my point? Because this is kind of a big deal.

Minor League Player Cooks Chicken Nuggets With Iron-SB Nation Soccer

This hero, this triumphant black belt of no money poor man's dorm room cooking:  I salute you sir, and I once cooked a turkey inside of a teapot. I know my stuff.