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Tottenham linked to Arsenal-linked Bundesliga striker in crazy transfer rumor

This is very exciting. It's also 100% certified #batcountry.

Lars Baron/Getty Images

Shall we start the day off with an insane transfer rumor? France Football is suggesting that Tottenham Hotspur is planning an audacious bid for Dortmund's Gabonese striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. This is awesome! It's also crazy and almost certainly won't happen.

Full disclosure: I love Aubameyang. He was astounding for St. Etienne in Ligue 1 before making a £9.1m move to Dortmund in 2013. Since then he's been one of Dortmund's best players, scoring 25 goals in all competitions last season. He's the kind of player that every fan would love to have on their club. He was The Sleeper's Sleep's main guy back when we all were slobbering over Leandro Damiao. I wish Spurs had bought him three years ago.

But this story is nuts. Reports indicated that Arsenal had a £28m bid for him rejected, and Dortmund Sporting Director Michael Zorc has pretty much said that he's not for sale at any price:

"It is not a secret. We rely heavily on Aubameyang. I have heard of interest from Arsenal but I'll be clear: he will not move. He is simply not for sale."

Which makes sense: with Marco Reus possibly leaving this summer, new Dortmund manager Thomas Tuchel is probably going to circle the wagons around Aubameyang and rebuild the team with him as the central focus. The fact that Dortmund is rejecting an offer from a Champions League club that's three times what they bid for Aubameyang two seasons ago indicates that Spurs have no chance whatsoever, even if they are interested (and they should be).

Spurs aren't going to spend upwards of £30m on a striker when they have a perfectly capable Harry Kane on the team, and even if they did I can't imagine that Aubameyang would content himself to leave Dortmund for Tottenham Hotspur where he will be at best in a rotation with Kane and at worst his backup. He's going to be the man at a Dortmund club that, while backsliding last season, has consistently been one of the best teams in Germany the past few years. If another club comes in for him, it's almost certainly going to be a very, very big one that can offer a lot more than Tottenham can.

So, don't believe it. Which sucks, because I really, really, really like Aubameyang and desperately wish this were true.