The Premier League season rolls on this weekend, with Tottenham looking to secure their first win of the season, but being forced to do so against a tough Everton squad who have looked pretty good so far this season. In advance of that match-up, I sat down with Calvin from Royal Blue Mersey to get some very important questions answered.
Cartilage Free Captain: I don't really care about football. Let's talk about stuff that doesn't matter. How many planes should we expect to be flying over the stadium with "Kenwright Out" banners? Also, shouldn't pro-Kenwright people be chipping in for those banners because it worked so well last time?
Royal Blue Mersey: God, wasn't that embarrassing, on national telly too! I'll tell you though, if after all the statements that the board and Roberto Martinez are making about keeping John Stones, if the lad gets sold then stewards will have to worry about people flying planes into White Hart Lane, not over!
CFC: John Stones, will he stay or will he go? If he does go, could I interest you in a Federico Fazio?
RBM: Who knows what will happen with Stones. We would rather keep the lad, if only till the January transfer window. If he has to leave though, we should sell him to anyone but Jose Mourinho. And not Brendan Rodgers, but that goes without saying. Sounds like Everton are already testing the waters with Fazio - evidently Roberto was not satisfied with the two red cards the Blues received all season and wants to boost that total by adding the just-barely-faster-than-a-
CFC: What about Aaron Lennon? Would you like him back? How about Andros Townsend?
RBM: Yes! We would love to have either of them for less than £5 million thank you. We played with two wingers not named Aiden McGeady yesterday in the Capital One Cup and looked really good, albeit against lower League opposition. Not having pace and trickery has made the team pretty one-dimensional and focuses all the attention in the middle on Ross Barkley, who doesn't look ready to carry the team quite yet. We've been linked with Andriy Yarmolenko in recent days, who would be quite the upgrade, but should that not happen then either of Lennon and Townsend means Kevin Mirallas can stay on the left, and Steven Pienaar can be finally put out to pasture.
CFC: Are you guys seriously planning on relying on Gareth Barry again?
RBM: Looks like it doesn't it? I don't know what about Barry's game that Roberto is so in love with, but his old legs really do need a break. We've seen him have great games when he's refreshed, but playing him day in and day out just makes no sense at all. Tom Cleverley though has all the makings of becoming the next Gareth Barry - we've used him out on the wing, behind at right back, and in the holding midfielder role and he has gotten the job done everywhere so far.
CFC: Ryan Mason has a thigh tattoo, Muhamed Besic has his own name on his neck. Which player has the dumbest tattoos?
RBM: I haven't seen Mason's ink. Besic is not necessarily the poster boy for maturity. He plays like he is the one man reparation crew for all the wartime atrocities committed in the Balkans. While we admire the passion, we need him to play smarter. But getting back to the dumbest of the lot, I'd say Daniel Agger.
CFC: On to more serious topics, what's Tim Howard's deal? As an American, I am tangentially interested in his performances, but every time I see him now he seems to be doing things that are not good. Is he past it?
RBM: Past his best, yes. We're going to have to get used to the fact that he will make more silly mistakes as time goes on and we refuse to sign a young goalkeeper that will replace him. He is still capable of some excellent performances, like against Manchester City last weekend, but he promptly follows those up with bone-headed positional errors, often in the same game
CFC: What are Everton's expectations for this season? Which season was the fluke, finishing 11th or finishing 5th?
RBM: Have to say finishing out of the top half is the anomaly. While we do have some definite flaws on the team, this is not a team that needs to be living like Aston Villa and Sunderland. We will be glad to finish in the European spots again, and hopefully finally win a cup to end the twenty-year trophy drought.
CFC: Finally, give us a prediction for this match.
RBM: Everton have not had good results in London the last few years. I will be quite happy with a draw. If Spurs score first, hopefully they continue their streak of letting teams claw back into the game in the last fifteen minutes. That would suit us fine.
Thanks again to Calvin for tolerating my idiotic questions. I answered some questions for him, which you can find here. You can follow Calvin on Twitter here, and if you're not already following our Everton loving friends, then follow Royal Blue Mersey here.