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We found the saddest Spurs store item ever

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Is this worse than buying your kid a Bentley kit off eBay?

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Aston Villa v Tottenham Hotspur - Premier League Photo by Michael Regan/Getty Images

So today I pop into the Carty Free Slack and see Fearless Leader Dustin talking about the stuff he just bought from the Spurs store while they are offering free shipping on purchases over £40.

On a whim, I click on over and go to the Kids Sales. Because it’s never too early to convince my kids to torture themselves by becoming Spurs fans, right?

So, here we go:

spurs-team-shop-sale

Dum de dum. Let’s see what we have:

spurs-store-kids-item-sale

(scrolls down)

soldado-shirt-store-page

OH MY SWEET PRINCE WHAT

(LOUDEST CLICK OF ALL TIME)

soldado-kids-shirt

(looks closer)

(scratches chin)

IT’S EVEN BETTER THAN I THOUGHT

soldado-shirt-markup

It’s not just the fact that this exists that is great. It’s not just the price. There’s more.

  • The Nintendo figure doesn’t look like Bobby.
  • It also doesn’t look like Paulinho.

Why do we mention that it doesn’t look like Paulinho? Because the product info says “Awesome pixelated design showing Paulinho Number 9 the kids will love this.”

IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE EITHER OF THEM.

PAULINHO DIDN’T EVEN WEAR NUMBER 9.

It kinda looks like Jaime Lannister. Or maybe Chris Hemsworth? Can someone photoshop Thor’s hammer into his hand? Bonus points if it is pixelated. Or maybe Guy Fieri?

I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Also, if the Spurs store sells out on this shirt, can I get a commission?