Happy Wednesday Spursland!
*cough* I'm sorry, lets do another take I SAID HAPPY WEDNESDAY SPURSLAND!
HEY! Wake the hell up and see what's going down here. Take your eyes off that red light in front of you/the girl you don't have the guts to start a conversation with on the train and look up at the by line.
Yeah. That's right, it's gonna be that kind of day. DJ HIT MY MUSIC
That's right. Finally, Salmon Chase/TheRoosevelts/Andy HAS COME BACK to the Hoddle of Coffee . And It feels so good to be back that I want to say right now, right here sitting in my underwear on the couch my girlfriend paid for that I will never be leaving you again. I mean not in the way it sounds, more in the way the Rock meant it when he came back to wrestling and said that then wasn't around all that much for awhile just occasionally and now he just shows up for Wrestlemania. But the bottom line is I'm here until Friday. So strap in, strap it up, basically you need straps on some kind, I am not going to check them thoroughly for safety just do what you got to do. it's going to get weird.
Super weird for anyone who is new to the site in the last 6 months.
And now the "News"
Look he cannot have a concussion. Just look at the size of his head?! iI's science. He might have ram DNA in him, his head looks so sturdy. Like if you wanted to you could build a deck on it and not ever have to worry about it settling at a greater rate than the house it's attached to. The young people are reading that last joke wondering how anyone could possibly care about that and like 6 dads are dying right now.
Suspend him. Do it. DO IT NOW. God damn ti are you sick of the all caps yet, or are you more upset that I still haven't grown enough as a writer to not have this crutch of always asking rhetorical questions? Either way suspend the kid. Will it teach him a lesson? Probably not. He will probably continue to be what he is, a spoiled little s**t who doesn't show common human courtesy in many on the field situations, forever. And yes I would say that to his face, why? because it's true and I've had enough concussions in my day that my brain doesn't recognize consequences. But seriously this kid is still young, he has been a jerk all season. Maybe this is his last chance at a real wake up call to not be a d**k. And it really is being a d**k. I'd respect him more if instead of a failed nut tap he full on hauled off and smashed this dude in the face for whatever the infraction was. Not my fault, I was raised by rednecks and you can't wash that pixie dust off. Seriously you can't -- my dad is a successful guy, can't get away from those instincts, he challenged a guy to a street fight to the death in line to buy flowers at Whole Foods last month because he wouldn't move up in line. I get violent intentions, just don't be a d**k about them.
Somebody rub that dog's belly. Rub it, rub it like he/she earned it. because they did.
It's not my place to comment here. I am at best a whiskey marinated failing comic Living in Philly, not even one of the good comedy towns. So let Andi Thomas take you to learning and feeling town on this one, OK?
Look at that, I brought back all my old bits like shamelessly showering praise on Andi Thomas. it's the little things that matter. What's that? You forgot why who I am matters? You aren't alone.
It seems excessive even though it's legal but lets remember that this guy turned into not exactly an angel
So guys some real talk here, first and foremost you guys should follow me on twitter @notsalmonchase
But much more importantly lets take a moment and get on your twitter, or just f***ing make one and let your usual Hoddle of Coffee artist know you care about him. It's not my place to put his business out there but he is going through some serious things right now, so it would be like super super cool if you just tweeted him at his twitter @55thvin and just say "we love you Vince" Not to much to ask right?