A Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links May 5, 2016

Good morning!

I would like to start today's post by appealing to common sense. If you hear anyone around you say "Cinco de Drinko" today, jab or chop that person in the throat. If those in Europe are confused by what I just wrote, there is a custom in the United States to turn ethnic celebrations or holidays into a reason to drink. I'm all down for having drinks. Hell, have drinks every day for all I care, but it's Cinco de Mayo, a pretty cool celebration of an uprising against colonizers, not a day created for Buffy and Devon in Delta Omega Zeta to put on sombreros and flood Instagram on #tbt about how much they miss Playa del Carmen.

Humor me while I get off my soapbox...

Now, on a lighter note, I'd like to wish a very happy Cinco de Mayo to all those celebrating and especially our once next best thing, Giovani dos Santos. Keep on keeping on, you beautiful Brazilian-Mexican party boy, you.

Now, for my carefully procured list of Tottenham Hotspur players who wore the number five, ranked:

1. Edgar Davids- Name one reason he isn't the best. The moment you opened your mouth is the moment I unfriended you forever.

2. Jan Vertonghen- Do I have a thing for ex-Ajax players? I think I have a thing for ex-Ajax players.

3. Younes Kaboul- While you may remember him as number four during his second stint, he, in fact, wore number five before going to the south coast for a year. We're glad he came back and put in the most famous cross in Spurs history, so he makes third on this list.

4. David Bentley- All the internets to anyone who can sing the David Bentley song.

5. Colin Calderwood- Yeah, I only remember him as a coach, but I sure wasn't putting any other number fives on this list.

Here's to Tottenham's cinco cincos mejores en Cinco de Mayo.

And now for the "news":

Hugo: I was always confident of Champions League with Spurs| London 24

I irrationally love Hugo Lloris. The pair of shoes he wore on the day he signed from Lyon so captivated me that I spent months searching for a pair just like them. I still own those gray, suede-like shoes today. I've never told that to anyone, but I think it sets me up as a Hugo supporter of the highest, possibly scariest/stalkiest order.

But even I don't believe him when he says he knew Champions League was coming to N17.

Scott Parker didn't think Harry Kane was going to make it| Express

Admittedly, Scott's vision was frequently hazy due to all the circles he'd been making. Can't fault the man, really, when his equilibrium was under such an assault.

Hazard rediscovers passion for football| The International News

Which seems to be coinciding with my impassioned opinion that he needs to f*** off.

Pep was not a failure at Bayern| SB Nation Soccer

But what about the results?! The RESULTS!!

Georgians, guns, and glory| NBC Sports

Didn't see that one coming, did you?