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A Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links May 9, 2016

I promise I don't bash Ryan Mason in the article. I keep my head.

Dave Thompson/Getty Images

Good morning!

In all the "analysis" of what "happened" on the pitch yesterday, we've lost the narrative.

Tom Carroll has ruined everything.

To all those who say that one man who didn't even step foot on the pitch could not possibly be responsible for a bad result, I pity you and the myopic haze in which you live your life.

From the moment he blocked this site's musing on Twitter years ago he showed a stunning lack of commitment to the bit. He was the chosen one, purveyor of one touch passing that would bring champagne football back to the Lane. With that simple click of an icon while internetting, he showed us a glimpse into his lacking soul. Here was a man who blocks out his problems instead of running into them, studs up, like a man on fire.

HarperJun is too good for him and I hope she drops his doll-likeness while attempting to take one of those once-adorable panoramic shots, and his cotton effigy is never found, crows picking at his eyes for whatever an eternity is to doll-likenesses.

Take down the pinned tweet. Erase the hopeful articles from the archives. The ruse has ended and we must face facts. Objectively, Tom Carroll is Satan, and the worst thing to happen to Tottenham Hotspur since its inception. Do not hesitate to turn on him because he has already turned on us.

And now for the "news":

Lassana Diarra ready to sign elsewhere| Football Insider

I, for one, invite a guy talking about playing elsewhere during the season to one who blocks an adoring site on social media. We need to cut out the rot, and what better way than by signing a guy who knows what he wants?

Mauricio: I don't care what Arsenal do| Belfast Telegraph

"I'm trying to stop Tom Carroll's destruction of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club!!"

Ligue 1 star showing why Spurs have bid on him| Sport Witness

The rumor has gone cold, however, as I'm sure Tom Carroll has launched an all out DM assault on the Frenchman, trying to block the move.

Atletico are bottlers and almost as revolting as Thomas Carroll| NBC Sports

The nerve to lose a football match! Who do they think they are?

Aussie Tennis bad boys put on notice| NBC Sports

Like Tom Carroll, I'm fizzling out at the end by refusing to try to make a joke work, and finishing on a crap note.