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Bat Country reaches a new low with dumb Erik Lamela to Inter rumor

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Sometimes even we're amazed at how hilarious these rumors are.

Tottenham Hotspur v Manchester United - Premier League Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images

Welcome to another edition of Dispatches from #batcountry, a feature where we take crazy internet rumors about Tottenham Hotspur and tell you why they're stupid and you shouldn't believe them even with the biggest salt mine on the planet.

Today’s trip down the rabbit hole starts us out with the outlet 90Min, who are reporting that Roberto Mancini, the man in charge at Inter Milan, is desperate for attacking options in the upcoming campaign. According to the article, he has locked onto Tottenham’s own Erik Lamela. How desperate is he? Here’s the important part from the article:

Roberto Mancini is so desperate to land Lamela that he is willing to offer Spurs a pick of two players in exchange for the midfielder.

Mancini is looking to add more creativity to his side and see's Lamela as the perfect fit for the Serie A club.

Player swap deals, on their own, are rare. Two players for one is like the sighting of a rare white elk in the wild. Let’s erase the #BatCountry element from this for a second and pretend this is real. Who would Spurs be offered in this deal?

Spurs are believed to be willing to accept £20m for the 24-year-old who arrived at White Hart Lane in 2013 for just over £25m.....Inter are expected to offer cash plus players for the winger with Marcelo Brozovic and defender Jeison Murillo the two men expected to be offered to Mauricio Pochettino.

Now, if you haven’t clicked on the links, you’ll notice that this report is coming from one of our biggest contributors to #BatCountry articles in the form of Calciomercatio, an Italian outlet that is well known for just throwing anything at the wall and seeing what sticks. The real problem with this article, besides everything, is that Calciomercato’s original report doesn’t mention anything about a two-for-one deal. They’re saying it’s cash plus a player:

Wanting him is one thing, getting him is quite another, with Inter bound by fair-play guidelines as the June 30 deadline approaches. According to Corriere dello Sport, Spurs are willing to listen to offers of around €25 million having originally taken the player from Roma for €30 million in 2013; this amount is way above what Inter can afford but their secret weapon is midfielder Marcelo Brozovic, who is unsettled in Italy and is admired by Spurs boss Mauricio Pochettino. The journal claims the 23-year-old Croatian international will be used in a proposed player plus cash deal to persuade the North London club to release Lamela.

If you were wondering where this fell on the #BatCountry scale, I believe we’ve hit a new level given that this isn’t even Calciomercato’s report. They’re quoting Corriere dello Sport. It took some work, but the original rumor is there.

And, by rumor, I mean there is absolutely nothing there about Inter offering anything for Lamela.

Yaya Touré, Alex Teixeira, Erik Lamela e Arkadiusz Milik: eccoli i 4 rinforzi che Roberto Mancini chiederà ai nuovi proprietari cinesi dell’Inter. Quando tutto sarà in regola il mercato nerazzurro cambierà: non ci potranno essere spese folli perché il contratto del Fair Play Finanziario lo vieta per il 2016-17, ma il Suning aggirerà parzialmente l’ostacolo con la collaborazione Jiangsu-Inter (prestito di Alex Teixeira, acquisto dei giocatori fuori dal progetto tecnico nerazzurro che possono portare plusvalenze) e con nuovi sponsor. Nel 2017-18 invece i fuochi d’artificio saranno ancora più vistosi perché le maglie dell’Uefa si allargheranno.

INCONTRO A BOLOGNA - Ieri a Bologna Mancini, Ausilio e Gardini si sono visti. Quasi 4 ore di colloqui tra i tre, con successiva cena. Si è parlato della programmazione della stagione che in questo momento è vincolata a quello che accadrà: al momento resta il piano fatto con Thohir ovvero raggiungere i 50 milioni di plusvalenze e limitare a 80 milioni la spesa per gli ingaggi con 2-3 cessioni pesanti (Murillo e Brozovic, ma non alla Roma se non per 35-40 milioni) più quelle dei giocatori fuori dal progetto. In ottica "risparmio" sono già stati presi Banega ed Erkin (ufficializzato ieri sul sito nerazzurro da adesso tradotto in turco) ed è stato bloccato Vilhena (c’è l’accordo sul contratto; gli agenti chiedono una commissione giudicata troppo alta). [...]

I’ll save you the trouble of translating that.

Basically, the original report is saying that Inter have about €50m to €80m to work with, though they have FFP problems and need to sell players. Brozovic is unsettled and apparently wants out, which would help Inter Milan in their FFP problems. There is a single suggestion that Inter want Erik Lamela and that is it.

The best part of all of this? Corriere Dello Sport are quoting Calciomercato. I believe that #BatCountry has officially reached critical mass.

To summarize this trip down the rabbit hole:

1) 90min claimed that Inter Milan were desperate to get Lamela that they’d offer Spurs two players for him, quoting Calciomercato.

2) Calciomercato say that it's actually a cash+player deal for Lamela, quoting Corriere Dello Sport.

3) Corriere Dello Sport are just saying that Inter Milan have a bunch of money to work and are saying that Lamela is a target, citing Calciomercato.

You cannot make this stuff up, right? Just trust in Johnny Depp, everyone.